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It's times like these when I remember why I hate myself. Or at least the way my brain works.
And also, please do not feel sorry for me, I deserve what I've brought upon myself.
Also, don't be so dumb as to think I'm going to commit suicide. I have too much of an ego for that... *sigh*
It's a vicious cycle.
[EDIT] You know all those times I tell you to stop me or hit me or something if I'm being an idiot? Seriously, I mean it.
If I don't hate myself for being stupid, then I get away with being arrogant.
I try to be nice to others because I feel like inside, I'm that arrogant, I'm that egotistical, I'm that cruel.
I'm completely serious. Love life, hate myself. Being messed up mentally would only be too easy, so I take my pain as my penance, and I do know I deserve more of it than I get.
I have so much to say, and not enough words, and not enough time...
(and I sound like a goddamn emo, too)
[EDIT 2] So... I feel like I need to write this down for honesty's sake. I know I lie to myself too much. But anyway.
I feel like I should write that, if you're angry, just tell me you're angry at me and why, because that will depress me enough. I promise it will... even if I get angry at you, I still love you to death, it's who I am; but at the same time, as much as I love life, I constantly berate myself, and if I'm pointed out as being wrong, I'm beating myself up for it, and to me it's worse than whatever you can say to me.
But as much as that's true, I feel like it's my subconscious trying to manipulate you into going easy on me.
So. When you're mad at me, get MAD. Point out why I'm wrong and for the love of god do NOT let me off easy.
I deserve it. Every self-hating minute of it.
And if you don't think I do, YOU'RE FALLING TO THE POWER OF MY SUBCONSCIOUS (or something).
Don't feel sorry for me. You'd only be feeding my ego.
And also, please do not feel sorry for me, I deserve what I've brought upon myself.
Also, don't be so dumb as to think I'm going to commit suicide. I have too much of an ego for that... *sigh*
It's a vicious cycle.
[EDIT] You know all those times I tell you to stop me or hit me or something if I'm being an idiot? Seriously, I mean it.
If I don't hate myself for being stupid, then I get away with being arrogant.
I try to be nice to others because I feel like inside, I'm that arrogant, I'm that egotistical, I'm that cruel.
I'm completely serious. Love life, hate myself. Being messed up mentally would only be too easy, so I take my pain as my penance, and I do know I deserve more of it than I get.
I have so much to say, and not enough words, and not enough time...
(and I sound like a goddamn emo, too)
[EDIT 2] So... I feel like I need to write this down for honesty's sake. I know I lie to myself too much. But anyway.
I feel like I should write that, if you're angry, just tell me you're angry at me and why, because that will depress me enough. I promise it will... even if I get angry at you, I still love you to death, it's who I am; but at the same time, as much as I love life, I constantly berate myself, and if I'm pointed out as being wrong, I'm beating myself up for it, and to me it's worse than whatever you can say to me.
But as much as that's true, I feel like it's my subconscious trying to manipulate you into going easy on me.
So. When you're mad at me, get MAD. Point out why I'm wrong and for the love of god do NOT let me off easy.
I deserve it. Every self-hating minute of it.
And if you don't think I do, YOU'RE FALLING TO THE POWER OF MY SUBCONSCIOUS (or something).
Don't feel sorry for me. You'd only be feeding my ego.
