The Daily Adventures of Mercat

I can't believe Chuck is over

I have SO MANY FEELINGS about it

I'm bawling my eyes out

And I don't actually like being drunk but right now I'm in a weird state where I wish I was

I CAN'T ARTICULATE EVERYTHING

EVERYTHING FEELS SAD AND FOREIGN, BUT NOT DEPRESSING

GODDAMNIT

My final senior capstone civil engineering design presentation was yesterday. 3 hours, 43 people, some couple-hundred (at least 250) powerpoint slides, and a seven minute video. It went, for the most part, pretty well.

However, the night before, I started freaking out. Which, to me, did not make rational sense as I had presented my slides at least six different times this semester. I knew the information. But the fact that I spent the seven hours of "sleep" in that half-awake state where you are waiting for your alarm to go off so you don't miss it, waking up every hour to freak out for 30 seconds before turning over and begging for it to subside, and giving up on trying to get any real sleep 20 minutes before my alarm was set to go off... To me, that is solid evidence that my public speaking anxiety is far beyond your average public speaking anxiety.

You take public speaking classes and they say, "oh, everybody gets nervous," and yeah, I believe it. But does everyone get uncontrollable shakes of their knees, their hands, their voice? Get dry mouth? Okay, yes, some people do. But what about shutting down into Emergency Mode when it is your turn to speak? Here is what happens (slash, happened yesterday morning). I start panicking. My stomach starts jumping, I start trying to control my breathing, even three years of drum corps can't help. I sweat and shake (and try not to bounce my knees in high heels so I'm not making noise backstage). When it is my immediate turn, I go into survival mode. My adrenaline decides it wasn't pumping high enough before and jumps off the high dive. No matter what I'm thinking about--slowing my speech, making sure I hit every bullet point of information-- my brain immediately shuts down the ability to analyze questions and focuses only on Not Presenting Any Information Wrong. If, in that instant, someone got hit by a car, I am the person you want. I jump into action and call for doctors and call 911 and try to do what I can. But public speaking? No way. And yesterday's experience was enough to let me know, as everyone in my group told me "you'll do fine!"--yes, rationally, I know that. But this is an irrational fear, and as someone once explained panic attacks to me in a similar light (or that was my experience with the one that I ever had--a zombie under your chair is NOT rational), this irrationality tells me that it is maybe not a normal level of anxiety for such a situation.

The interesting part is, I have to wonder if it's Nature or Nurture. I don't know anyone who seems to have such profusely strong reactions to public speaking as I do, but of course I could be wrong and they could just be very good at hiding it. But in fourth grade I got called out for messing up a reading in church, and in our eighth grade play the guy playing the lead antagonist decided to not memorize his lines. Which was fine and hilarious since he could ad lib pretty well, except for the part where I can't and there was a scene with just me and him and he STARED OFF INTO SPACE FOR AT LEAST A FULL MINUTE.

So, yes. There's that.

But also, I am done with engineering! (Except for passing this last tech elective and getting my paper degree.) HURRAH, on to better and brighter things.

I do have to say, my conceptual design for our convenience store was FUCKING FABULOUS and the site/civil team that decided to tell us the wrong site data so we had to rotate the building and kind of destroy the view can go fuck itself. The facade, that glass elevator, ALL MINE, BITCHES <3

Mom called me yesterday in the middle of the day to tell me that Spats was "not doing well" and she had taken him to the vet. Well not only was he not doing well, they thought he was in the advanced stages of renal failure, was suffering greatly and we should put him down as he would only last days to weeks, but most of it pain-filled. He apparently had lost 3 pounds (about a quarter of his body weight) since his last annual checkup, was dehydrated, lethargic, and had been puking all over the house for the better part of a week. The vet gave him subcutaneous fluids and took a blood sample, and mom took him home to see how he did and wait for the blood test to come back. The vet said if it wasn't renal failure it may be a tumor, but other than that she had no idea. Regardless, Spats was not doing well. (Not to mention, I started worrying about Jack, how he was handling having a sick buddy and how he would deal with being an only cat if we had to put spats down...)

So I was sniffling all through trying to finish up some of my work and sat antsily through my class, decided to skip my evening class, and went home to spend the evening with Spats in the event we would have to put him down Saturday. Anyway I pretty much teared up constantly all evening yesterday and I'm just completely exhausted today, but that's beside the point.

When I went home Spats was still rather lethargic and I let him out on the porch. He wasn't moving very quickly and was only barely nudging his face up on a box he usually would have jumped up on. So I put him up on it and he sat there for a bit, then moved over onto the bench where it was sunnier, and eventually as the sun kept moving he moved back to the box. Finally once the sun was completely gone from the porch he came and sat on my lap, and I couldn't help but notice how light he was and how surprisingly bony he felt. I don't know how long he's been sick or how rapid any of his weight loss or dehydration was, but this seems rather sudden. And we can't really tell how long he has been under-eating because there's a really good chance that Jack has been making up for that.

At any rate. I cuddled with him as much as he would allow but it was very sad. When he would go to clean himself or shake his head or anything, he would get about a half second into it and then stop. It is very odd to see a cat that hasn't cleaned themselves well, you can tell something is wrong. Finally when I was struggling to keep my eyes open but was sitting on the stairs petting him, he walked upstairs all the way to my room and hopped up on my bed. I should mention that it's not uncommon when I go home for him to sleep on my feet. So I followed him upstairs and went to bed and made sure to snuggle up with him, although he wanted to sleep on my feet and eventually made his way down there.

So. Yesterday was a rough day. Although by the end of it he seemed mildly perkier than he was when I first came home, which I think was a result of getting some fluids in him. He wasn't eating much at all though.

But! This morning I woke up to a call from mom that the vet had called and it wasn't renal failure. So. We don't know what it is or if it will be treatable, but I am hopeful and I think if we can clear out whatever the system problem is and get food and fluids back in him... Whew. I drove him to the vet this morning and when we were close he crawled out of his carrier to sit on my lap and look out the window. It was rather adorable (and unexpected--when I first moved the cats to the house they would not stop crying) and I told him if he gets himself well at the vet I will start taking him for drives, if he would like that. Like he can talk, right? Anyway.

He is at the vet and I am still rather worried, while I'm not breaking into tears like I was yesterday, I'm still finding it hard to focus. I hope he's not too lonely in there :C And I hope whatever it is, it's treatable. He's only 6, so... yeah. Anyway.

Yeah so I go from no posting to overload! Woo. I'm gonna pass out now.

(On the other side of things, have you ever seen the Idiot Box episode of Spongebob? It is the episode where Squidward gets a new tv and gives Spongebob and Patrick the box... I realized that the look they give him when he opens the box on them is the same look you get from Jack most of the time when you find him crunched up into a box. I got new tap shoes and that is of course immediately what he did.)

On the just-plain-odd side of things, I found out that when things get depressing I apparently switch straight to Robert Frost quoting.

I don't know when to say to expect a "real" post from me. I have a lot to post and... not lots of time. This is a crazy semester =/

[EDIT] Update as of (later) this morning: Mom called, the vet's got Spats on lots of fluids, and he's up and purring and seemingly back to normal. So she thinks it's nothing fatal. C=

NORMAL POST

LEGIT EXCUSE: I TOOK THE GRE TODAY THEN PARTYFAILED. MOM WAS ALL "HEY WANT TO GO TO SKYLINE AFTERWARDS?" AND I SAID PROBABLY AND I CAME HOME TO COLD PIZZA AND A REQUEST TO CLEAN THE BATHROOMS. SO I DID THAT AND LEFT. AND THEN NOBODY ACTUALLY WANTED TO "GO OUT" LIKE WE PLANNED, EVEN TO DRUNK KARAOKE, SO I WAS KINDA IN A BAD MOOD AND THIS DAY WAS KIND OF A WASTE OF MY LIFE TO BE HONEST

SO I'M UP LATE CATCHING UP ON IMPORTANT THINGS (LIKE LIVEJOURNALLING) AND NOT GIVING A SHIT BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SLEEP IN BUT WATCH THE DAMN PARADE TOMORROW ANYWAY

AND THEN AS SOON AS GRANDMA GETS DEPRESSED AND ASKS ME WHY I'M NOT DATING ETC ETC AND MOM STARTS TALKING AT ME ABOUT GRAD STUFF AGAIN I'M JUST GONNA GTFO AND GO SEE DUE DATE AND THEN GO TO WAFFLE HOUSE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO GO FOR THREE WEEKS AND NOBODY WANTS TO FUCKING GO AND YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I'LL GO BY MYSELF. THIS IS WHY I HATE PEOPLE SOMETIMES. BECAUSE LITERALLY NO ONE IN TOWN WANTS TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH ME.

Some fucking friends sometimes, I swear to god. There is more to life than alcohol.

BUT I DIGRESS.

/capsrage!off

(Note, that is not capsrage "yelling" but rather "comically over-loud voice".)

Now onto your regularly scheduled programming.

OH, HOW APPROPRIATE, yesterday's prompt was the last movie I saw in theatres. INCEPTION. WHEN I GOT BACK THIS SUMMER, AND I FUCKING HAD TO DRAG MY SISTER TO GO SEE IT WITH ME. And before that?! Iron Man 2! My moviegoing track this year is a shame! WHY DOES NO ONE WANT TO GO OUT TO MOVIES THIS YEAR?! Fucking idek.

Last book I read... Well, last book I finished was probably Lost City of Z which I read for fun over the summer and was amazing despite its ending. I mean, the ending is still amazing from a historical point of view but (without giving much away) the whole thing is this buildup and then--AUGH. You have to read it, if you are in the slightest a history or Indiana Jones or adventuring fan, oh boy.



...Not gonna lie though, despite being in a general good mood, handling school okay, work is going fine, working out, et cetera, I am a bit emotionally unstable at the moment. I can tell because the slightest little comments are making me upset enough to almost nearly ruin my evenings. I really can't handle people brushing me off much more to go to parties/drink but "oh I don't have enough money to go to a movie". Because alcohol comes out of the faucet for free, I see. Well alrightythen. I'm hoping Laura's not going to be bitchy tomorrow because I think I'm going to need to run away from the rest of the family with her, particularly since the cuzs (cuzns? cuzzes? idek. "cuzs" looks like it should be Polish.) are on the other side of the goddamned country.


...*sigh*. I miss my drum corps family =(

Things I also failed to bitch about earlier this week: The DJ on Saturday, who took requests up to a few days in advance because he couldn't/didn't do on-the-spot mixing (HA, mixing, if you could call it that--what with jumps and awfully apparent tempo changes), in the three hours we were at the dance, played TWO, count 'em, TWO songs that were 1) older than 2000, 2) not a dance/pop/hip-hop song. Seriously, the guy was awful. About 30 minutes in to the dance he played "Wannabe" (Spice Girls--ngl had to look up the title of that song) and with about 20 minutes left he played "You Shook Me All Night Long". The only other song he played that wasn't some currently-top-40-but-actually-shitty-dance-tune-excuse-to-party-hard song was Pokerface. So out of the songs I requested (Fuck You, anything by Gaga, anything by Queen, and anything by Billy Joel), I got one song. Needless to say, I was PISSED THE FUCK OFF. I spent probably half to two-thirds of the dance glaring at the DJ from my chair. I mean, this could be the fault of the coordinators who hired a friend-of-a-friend and maybe forgot to forward our requests, but what kind of shitty DJ plays pretty much ONE TYPE OF SONG all night?! And not even varying between dance tunes and slow songs? WE HAD NO SLOW SONGS ALL NIGHT.

Basically I'm pissed at everyone and everything right now and I'm about to snap. Not angry-snap but just break-down-snap and no one seems to really give a shit, because that's just how things go. Ugh. I'm kinda tired of this crap, really.

Also I do not recommend trying to follow a conversation about a boyfriend's roommate's cousin who is that person's ex and their crazy parents at a party after taking the GRE, because the actual GRE's paragraph and word problems turned out to be much more difficult and brain-power-consuming than I expected them to be and I was (and am) rather brain dead on the this-idea-requires-a-complex-sentence-of-at-least-four-phrases front.

But onto the linkspam:

So, uh, this happened.

MY LIFE MAY OR MAY NOT BE COMPLETE NOW. <3

A really interesting article about Florence Nightingale's influential graph and a common mathematical fallacy of graph creation/interpretation. Fascinating because I encounter a lot of misunderstood data on a fairly regular basis (thank you, journalism majors), and also because these are the type of subtleties you may have to discern between on the GRE. (I did pretty well on the quantitative section, but the reading/vocab was much more difficult than I anticipated and I nearly ran out of time, having to guess haphazardly at a few questions.) Anyway. Data is pretty, and presentation is valuable. I wish I knew more about the historical context of these charts because it might be an interesting topic for Ada Lovelace Day, although perhaps something that focuses on the graphical fallacy is not the best topic. (Nightingale was particularly observant in clinical matters though, wasn't she? Wasn't she the one who told people to wash their hands, basically, kill less people with infection? Or am I thinking of someone else entirely? FIFTH GRADE HISTORY IS FAILING ME.)

An interesting article about Native American culture, race, and steampunk, with significantly more win than all the shenanigans last year. Although I must admit, I don't think I ever heard the story of "the first Thanksgiving" in school. At least, not as a history lesson, but as more of a holiday folklore type thing, minus maybe the "learning how to plant corn" part. ALTHOUGH ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT we never approached it from the accuracy point-of-view either. So.

For the record I still don't like "ray guns" as a steampunk thing. I have never come into acceptance of them. Then again I've also become more standoffish about pop culture's reaction to steampunk as a whole anyhow, so, some part of me just also doesn't give a shit (that my entire POV on steampunk is decidedly different, because the generic running-with-steampunk scene is not my cup of tea).

DAMN I AM RANTY TONIGHT. Sorry about that folks. I'm a bit tweaky, it seems.

(I do like that EL wire on the gun, though, despite my active distaste for mods of that nerf gun... Hm. Considerations, considerations.)


Holy crap this test fried my brain a lot more than I expected it to. First I was moody, now I'm just too tired to parse any article with more than one sentence and a funny picture. Basically my brain is running like MemeGenerator at the moment.

Well my mom's cousin is getting put in hospice. =/ I feel really bad because she's taking it really hard and her aunt already lost her husband and one sister.

Anyway, I've been really tired and apathetic lately, and I really hate it. I don't know why... I just have no drive to do anything (not even read all my blogrolls or watch TV), including practice for camp. WHICH I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE TO HAVE ALL MY MUSIC MEMORIZED FOR. Lovely...

Here's the curious thing. I think I am a natural optimist, always have been. It balances well with being rather practical and everything, but I've actually started wondering how much it is perhaps brain chemical related. Can't remember if I talked about this before. Anyway, what started me thinking about this is that when I drink, I don't get any positive/relaxed feelings out of it, I just get sleepy. And then if I drink enough, a little unbalanced (physically, you know, inner ear and vision and muscle control) and a migraine. I think you may (or may not) get more out of me if you get me jacked up on Mountain Dew. Well, for one thing, it definitely cements in my mind that drunkenness is mental, particularly for all the folks that can hold their alcohol well, but I do have to wonder if perhaps I--chemically--have a higher propensity towards being happy. Because my mom even asked me, when I told her how I've felt today, if I was depressed (...were depressed? fuck this tense), and... I don't think so. At least not how I think of depression. When I think of depression I think of feeling like life is not worth living, and although I have felt all weekend like everything is pointless, I DO NOT (and never have, and have always thought I never will) want to die. That's always how I've been. Seriously, all those mortality tales you read in high school when they talk about how no one wants to live forever? I would. You could do everything! Learn everything! It would be awesome. ANYWAY.

Also, talked about some stuff in psychology about basic personality traits (O.C.E.A.N.) and discovered I am probably some level of neurotic (meaning, easily emotional). ADDITIONALLY, the way the prof talked about it, I probably am some mild to medium form of paranoid? Which is interesting, because now I want to know what level is normal (if any... my extent of knowledge of that consists of one of Slartibartfast's lines from the new Hitchhiker's movie, so, you know, nothing much).

AAAAAAANNYYYYWAAAAAYYY.

I did nothing this weekend. I beat Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings and did no homework and watched a bunch of movies, all because I had no drive to do anything and I completely forgot there were some things I should have done months ago and keep forgetting to do. THAT IS HAPPENING NEXT WEEK because I need to clear that off my schedule for fuck's sake. =/

( game spoilers if you care )


Mmmm... yeah. Gotta get to that homework. Fuckkkkkkkk.





Oh, P.S., beware in the future there will probably be a HUGE up-and-coming self-psychology post... You know, all the things that have been brewing in my head forever and I finally need to put down or something, hahahaha. Good times.

Sometimes I really wonder if I should have been a psychologist... =/

My best friend from grade school is in the hospital. She's having bleeding/clot problems. I don't know the details, and I don't know if I should post something on facebook because I don't know how private it's supposed to be. But I'm worried. =/

Family dinner tonight, that was interesting. Max called beforehand and told Laura and I to wear plaid, it turns out Max and Kyle and Chris all wore flannel plaid, it was awesome. We were so ridiculous-looking.

The only bad part was when Kyle ran off to the bathroom once, we started joking that we wouldn't be surprised if he came out bi, more likely than gay, seriously, he has some... interesting affectations. But it sort of veered off into a discussion about bisexuality, and it really pissed me off because Max and Laura said they didn't understand it, you either are or you aren't gay, and I was just pissed because trying to explain anything subtle to them--here the Kinsey scale, or like earlier, the racism and shit in Avatar--first, they don't want to listen. Second, they assume I have to be a part of that minority to be offended, and I really, really don't need them to be seriously thinking I'm gay or something. I mean, not that it would be a slur, but that I already get enough harassment from my family for not liking ham and pineapple. Seriously. (Tangent: is there something similar to the Kinsey scale for hyper-/a-sexuality/romanticism? Because I'm not completely polarized but I'm definitely more on the icebitch side, to put it one way...) Yeah, so I got to be offended by their ignorance for a bit, listen to them talk about all their drinking and dating and crap like that, and sometimes I forget that I spend so much time online and that people online... actually read... and know things. =/

Yeah.

Probably not going to do a big post for New Year's since there's going to be PARTY AT MY HOUSE omg beer pong on the back porch gonna be ridic sleepover with ~everyone~ I am super excited. Not too crazy but I love my friends. =)

2009... you can show yourself to the door. My summer was amazing, I made a lot of friends, a lot of best friends, and yet the rest of the year sucked fucking ass. A fucking shit-ton of it.

2010... I am willing to have another crappy year to have a summer better than the last. Age-out, go big or go home, I want to come in more than 12th. Glassmen can GTFO and passing Phantom would be amazing, idk, this summer is going to be amazing, period. But 2010, I'd really like to start the teens (EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT THE NEXT DECADE, I ~KNOW~) well, so if you could see it to not be so shitty? That would be great. Really.


goddamn, 2009, you were a bitch

Dear fate/destiny/life/whatever:

YOU HAVE THE WORST FUCKING TIMING EVER. Can't you at least wait to pull this shit when I don't have tests happening? This is definitely the worst semester ever.

Today is Thursday, and today I am most definitely Arthur Dent.

I absolutely cannot wait for Christmas so I can just be done with this shit.




Ugh.



(On the positive side, I posted something similar as my facebook status, and Uncle Steve told me to start drinking and Don't Panic. I love my family.)

Today turned from a Sucky Final day into a Nostalgia Day. Which, as always, is both awesome and terrible.

First of all, I found out I really don't give much of a shit about X-men. I just like action movies. (And it doesn't hurt to have Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber in it, does it?) Also, I was in a room full of nerds. Not nerds in the good way, either... Like, awkward high school boys. The ratio of guys to girls in that room was way too high. Also, I'm glad Domer doesn't mind being a douche and cracking jokes because that movie was PRETTY FUCKING CHEESY. But in a good way! I just couldn't stop from laughing, sorry. At one point I asked him what Zero's power is (since he... shoots guns fast? And since Domer seemd to actually know shit about X-men) and he was just like "He's just Matt Ehrhart" which made me laugh my ass off.

Best part of the movie (also Best Audience Reaction): the subtitles "Springfield, Ohio" shows at the bottom of the screen. Crowd erupts into cheers. (That was pretty much the only reaction except for a few laughs like the elevator scene. BOO, I need audiences that laugh more. No wonder I sound like a psycho.)

Finally, did anyone watch the Chuck finale monday? Okay, so, not to spoil much or anything, at one point Ted Roark says "Imagine that, that terrible pun will be the last words you ever hear." WHICH COULD NOT HAVE PREDICTED THE ENDING TO THIS MOVIE ANY BETTER. I'm serious.

Really? You picked a lame line as your "dramatic ending"? This is an action movie, and not a great one at that. (Okay, well, it's great. It's just also cheesy.) And it's part of a huge series. And you couldn't show some dramatic character return or show up or have someone's ass get handed to them with a punny finish line? Instead you just... tried to be serious in a punny manner? idgi.


...Anyway... So the concert was tonight, and I realized I haven't been there in a damn long time. That is, the auditorium. I miss it a lot... =/ I miss Miss Shoup a lot, too, and all her craziness and taste in music. Anyway, so we kinda played like shit, but that's okay. I hung out with Stephen and Phil and Travis some, which is always good, and OH MY GOD THE KINDERGARTENERS WERE DRESSED UP LIKE FLAPPERS AND DID "FIVE FOOT TWO". Talk about coincidences. I did the whole dance backstage from memory :D My mom joked that I should have gone out there on stage as an "alumni performer". It's hard to believe it's been sooooo long, and yet that song and that dance have stuck with me better than almost anything else I ever performed at St. B's. Miss Shoup even remembers doing it last time =)

Which was kind of when the sad, nostalgic, oh-my-god-shit-is-ending feeling started to set in for the night. I'm officially a senior, even though I get a victory lap and grad school, that's still a HUGE jump in perspecive, feels like. Graduation time is always that way for me. Well, that and move-out every year. =S

It's weird though; at the same time I just hang out with the guys (earlier Travis/Stephen/Phil, later Domer/MattE) I feel both completely secure in myself (uh, as a person I guess) and yet I miss them and shit like Carroll so much. And I know I'm going to miss UD people over the summer, and I dunno, I just keep missing and missing and missing and I... don't know. Anyway, that's enough emo from me.

So at the concert, apparently the not-immediately-connected crowd did not know Edgar and Rachel might be dating, except for Stephen who supposedly had seen them making out after rock mass one time. (I believe him, but I don't exactly trust him, either.) But then Phil (or... MattE? or Travis?) told me that their sister (all of whom I am much more likely to trust) said they saw them holding hands down at the Greene. SOOOOO that kinda seals that deal for me, I'll be over here puking kthx

Also, Dad found out, but what happened was that we were all being overreactionary and hyperbolic (face it, when are we not) and Phil managed to tell him that they were getting married, which they are not, it's just my favorite reaction to say (with a disgusted look) "I don't want to go to their wedding" (which I think Stephen or Phil made a hilarious joke about "speak now or forever hold your peace" but I can't remember what it was, lol). ANYWAY, so then Dad asked me if I'd heard, and just to check it wasn't being bullshitted around (which always happens, and SURPRISE! it did) asked him exactly what he heard, which was that they were getting married, so I made sure to clear that up.

But still... Now that Dad and Mom know, it's kind of weird. Because all I can do is tell them I'm sufficiently creeped out by it, it's not like I can just go up and be like WELL I'M GLAD YOU LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM BUT I KIND OF HATE HIS GUTS, you know? Although I did realize if push comes to shove I cna tell them he really is kind of a creeper. In that awkward-guy way. BECAUSE HE IIIIISSSSS D:

Bleh, anyway. The main point of may day was this: Wolverine was awesome but cheesy, I miss doing the Charleston, and I love hanging out with the Carroll guys. =)

And now I'm really tired. =/ Gotta movie out tomorrow, oh what fun


I'm trying not to think about summer Surveying and how much I'm going to want to kill myself taking that class. Instead I'm hoping for lots of downtime I can use to get in shape and Tuesday Trivia Nights and taking my little to see Star Trek and hopefully having some awesome weekends. bleeehhhhhhhhn

[EDIT] Almost forgot ( don't wanna spoil it for you, but )

[Error: unknown template qotd]Sorry I've been in a bit of a political mood lately, but this sort of question has always been weird to me. I mean, I understand admiring someone to the point you'd joke about it, but anyone who takes it seriously I would honestly just want to punch in the face. And sorry, I'm kind of in a face-punchy, baby-kicking mood today. ACID TRIPPY DREAM, OKAY?! That is my excuse.


By the by, "viciousism" is a word I made up in high school, or maybe even gradeschool, simply because it's fun to say. However, I think that the definition may be this sort of hyperbolic anger I take towards a lot of things. It would be appropriate. :D We'll just have to see if that definition takes on. (It's like naming a pet or something... sometimes their titles don't fit what they are. So that emotion may not be viciousism, and viciousism may not be this. I'm weird, I know.)