Feb. 2nd, 2012 09:40 pm
mercat: (Default)
I'm looking for some old posts of mine because I can't remember exactly when some things happened. This is what it's like getting old, apparently. (Fuuuuuuuck)

1) My oldest post tagged "religion" is about drum corps auditions (which I honestly didn't remember being for the 2007 season? but I guess so...) and "I think I'm through questioning faith". LOL OH WELL. Interesting to see how much my tone has changed in just a few years though, even my posts from 2008 can get kinda judgmental.

For that I apologize.

2) I have been working on a letter to my Mormon friend trying to explain my philosophical situation. I intended it to be just a letter... three hours later, it's 13 pages long and I'm not finished. Whoops. As a result and because I am the world's laziest chef, I am eating half a can of olives that are at least a week old and hopefully not spoiled by anything else in the fridge. BECAUSE THIS IS COLLEGE

By the way, Douche Flatmate has a now three-day dinner mess on the counter, it smells fucking awful. Unfortunately I now have to play the "confrontation and talk about it" game.

3) I forgot that LJ tags were a "new" thing only a few years ago. WHICH IS MAKING IT EVEN HARDER TO FIND MY OLD POSTS FROM HIGH SCHOOL NOOOOOOOOOOOO

4) I wish I journaled more but I'm also glad to see that I have so much written already. And that I've been LJing for how many years now? 7? 8? Jesus fuck. It seems like only a few years ago. I can, however, attribute much of my writing voice to journaling (in the form of blogging). Addressing an audience like you are friends, but like there is absolutely no one in the seats in the whole auditorium. Just an interesting note.

And now back to my search for personal journal entries from the pre-tagging days, so I can get back to this ages-long letter.

P.S. It's pretty obvious these days, I think, that I'm an atheist. So hopefully no one who is looking for a way to get me in trouble finds this. LUCKILY I think I've done an okay job of scrubbing this out of the main google search pages for me, and I need to go back and probably lock some old posts, and I probably should edit my friends list considering friends from 6 years ago can access my locked posts and absolutely zero of them post anymore (that certain group, I mean).

[EDIT] Holy shit I went and checked, it's so weird to see how little I posted the first couple of years. THERE IS SO MUCH INFORMATION I AM MISSING THAT I WANT TO KNOW. And that is why I journal. What was I thinking?! I don't know because I didn't write jack shit. And boy was my tone terrible, which, it's funny, I knew at the time, not that it was bad but that I hoped I could look back eventually and not hate myself and not want to hide or delete posts (which I'm not planning to, at least not for that reason), but geez, how things change. What's even worse? I know how much I changed from grade school to high school, and I don't really have a journal that covers that, either.

As the poster at my old hairdresser's used to say, "you've come a long way, kid."


Jan. 5th, 2010 01:02 am
mercat: (indy)
I have created a tumblr.

Consider this my resolutions for 2010:

To be healthier; eat better and get in shape more.

Journal more personally and perhaps protect my identity a bit more than I am generally wont to; thus, the tumblr. I think most links will be posted there unless I get a lot of protest? Idk, maybe I will post daily summaries of what's happening over there.

Can I get your opinions on that?

ALSO I totally bought the Indiana Jones puzzle game on my ipod. OMG. I love it. Totally worth $4.
mercat: (Default)
First of all, happy holidays, merry christmas, all that jazz. It still doesn't feel like Christmas... which sucks. This semester just took so much out of me, mentally.

I was going to do a whole special holiday post and go "caroling" on people's journals this year, but damned if I am just not too tired. Ugh. I think I will do a christmas recap later.

Instead, Laura, Max, Kyle, Chris, and I got bored and went out to see a movie on Christmas, the first time in my life I have ever done that. I was a little pissed because I wanted to see Sherlock Holmes or Imaginarium and Imaginarium isn't out anywhere locally as far as I can tell and everybody else decided no, Holmes was going to suck, so let's see Avatar.

I was a bit reluctant because of all the Dances With Smurfs crap I've seen about it, not to mention the fact that I hatehatehate most CGI because it comes off looking fake. Maybe not the textures, but the laws of physics never seem to apply. (Not to mention Uncanny Valley shit like Polar Express, GOTDAMN.) But Chris as drunk as fuck and my whole life I've been trying to fight Max and Kyle and Laura when they team up and it just does not fucking work, okay? Ugh. I hate them when they get like that.

Anyway, the non-spoilery summary, it's pretty good. Yes, Dances With Smurfs. Yes, visually stunning. Yes, has lots of lame moments. Dialogue was actually better than I expected. Anyway, I'd say, if you're interested, see it, but it's not some great epic, and it has lots of eye-rolling moments. (At three hours long, I do mean lots.)

and now, the spoilers, warning for discussions on race, gender, engineering, and more )
mercat: (Default)
Idk why but I've been tab-hoarding for weeks. As a result, running roughly 220 tabs was causing firefox to crash constantly. So, here is several days worth of tab writeups, which might mean whatever I wrote sounds a few days old. That would be because it is, but it's probably not too important.

LOTS of articles )

a second set, many more articles )

...I read a lot.
mercat: (Default)
I've got a massive tab dumb coming up, but this article is so filled with batshit that it deserves its own post.

This article has made me disgusted with humanity. :C
mercat: (Default)
Thought I'd check in... Haven't been around much lately because I'm trying to polish off my to-do list before the busy weekends kick in. So far, pretty much so good.

As for school, hydraulics is kicking my ass. I really hate Dr. Chase (he was my advisor freshman year-- rather jerkish, didn't actually listen to me) and our first homework assignment took me four hours, with help, and I know I did most of it wrong. So, uh... awesome.

I was taking a grad-level course in composites but it got cancelled because of a lot of miscommunication within the department. Kind of pisses me off because now I have to find a replacement class and there weren't any other electives that sounded interesting, but at the same time composites sounded rather dreadful so I'm glad I don't have to take it.

As for life my brain has been on word vomit for days but I've really had very little to say. I was withholding getting on LJ till I had stuff done (like the ambigrams sent! forgive me) but trying to keep my brain faucet shut off was killing me. So... you know, if you have interesting discussion material or anything, let me know. Particularly brainy-type stuff. I mean, how brains work, interesting human patterns, that sort of thing.

It's driving me craaaazzzzyyyyy

My only solace is that the Donk is making plans to get together around Christmas :D I can't wait to see everybody again! And it's amazing how close everybody wants to stay. I mean, SW was a big family like Troop but I didn't have such a close group like I do now. Which is awesome. Especially since we're planning to head out to New Orleans and I've never been there! Woo

(I can check out the levees and laugh at everyone for deciding to live there... I'm a terrible person, I know)

Aaaaand now I'm off to go look for recent articles on Indy FIVE or something. (Seriously, that is some of the best news I've come back to all summer!) Something to keep my mind occupied since my body is about to shut the fuck down after not getting enough sleep recently (or something) =/

not sw

May. 13th, 2009 11:41 pm
mercat: (Default)
I am a pretty out of the loop person. I've always known it, I'm just not the sort of person you go to first with gossip, I guess. I guess. Part of it is just introvertedness, I know that. I keep myself entertained, have no problems being off reading a book or just staring out the window thinking. I don't speak up much, and I think that makes me feel like I'm just another face in the crowd. Not really in a bad way, but I am just afraid to say hi to someone I had a class with because I think they've probably forgotten me by now, or I never really hear obscene rumors (by which I mean hyperbolic) about myself, and I hate talking about myself, good or bad, so I guess sometimes I forget that I'm not really as removed as I think I am.

Which always makes it weird when I get those little jolts that remind me I'm not, because I'm paranoid and I want to know what people are saying about me behind my back (literally, not "offensively").

I'm either damned curious, or paranoid, I don't know. But it's still weird.
mercat: (Default)
Today turned from a Sucky Final day into a Nostalgia Day. Which, as always, is both awesome and terrible.

First of all, I found out I really don't give much of a shit about X-men. I just like action movies. (And it doesn't hurt to have Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber in it, does it?) Also, I was in a room full of nerds. Not nerds in the good way, either... Like, awkward high school boys. The ratio of guys to girls in that room was way too high. Also, I'm glad Domer doesn't mind being a douche and cracking jokes because that movie was PRETTY FUCKING CHEESY. But in a good way! I just couldn't stop from laughing, sorry. At one point I asked him what Zero's power is (since he... shoots guns fast? And since Domer seemd to actually know shit about X-men) and he was just like "He's just Matt Ehrhart" which made me laugh my ass off.

Best part of the movie (also Best Audience Reaction): the subtitles "Springfield, Ohio" shows at the bottom of the screen. Crowd erupts into cheers. (That was pretty much the only reaction except for a few laughs like the elevator scene. BOO, I need audiences that laugh more. No wonder I sound like a psycho.)

Finally, did anyone watch the Chuck finale monday? Okay, so, not to spoil much or anything, at one point Ted Roark says "Imagine that, that terrible pun will be the last words you ever hear." WHICH COULD NOT HAVE PREDICTED THE ENDING TO THIS MOVIE ANY BETTER. I'm serious.

Really? You picked a lame line as your "dramatic ending"? This is an action movie, and not a great one at that. (Okay, well, it's great. It's just also cheesy.) And it's part of a huge series. And you couldn't show some dramatic character return or show up or have someone's ass get handed to them with a punny finish line? Instead you just... tried to be serious in a punny manner? idgi.

...Anyway... So the concert was tonight, and I realized I haven't been there in a damn long time. That is, the auditorium. I miss it a lot... =/ I miss Miss Shoup a lot, too, and all her craziness and taste in music. Anyway, so we kinda played like shit, but that's okay. I hung out with Stephen and Phil and Travis some, which is always good, and OH MY GOD THE KINDERGARTENERS WERE DRESSED UP LIKE FLAPPERS AND DID "FIVE FOOT TWO". Talk about coincidences. I did the whole dance backstage from memory :D My mom joked that I should have gone out there on stage as an "alumni performer". It's hard to believe it's been sooooo long, and yet that song and that dance have stuck with me better than almost anything else I ever performed at St. B's. Miss Shoup even remembers doing it last time =)

Which was kind of when the sad, nostalgic, oh-my-god-shit-is-ending feeling started to set in for the night. I'm officially a senior, even though I get a victory lap and grad school, that's still a HUGE jump in perspecive, feels like. Graduation time is always that way for me. Well, that and move-out every year. =S

It's weird though; at the same time I just hang out with the guys (earlier Travis/Stephen/Phil, later Domer/MattE) I feel both completely secure in myself (uh, as a person I guess) and yet I miss them and shit like Carroll so much. And I know I'm going to miss UD people over the summer, and I dunno, I just keep missing and missing and missing and I... don't know. Anyway, that's enough emo from me.

So at the concert, apparently the not-immediately-connected crowd did not know Edgar and Rachel might be dating, except for Stephen who supposedly had seen them making out after rock mass one time. (I believe him, but I don't exactly trust him, either.) But then Phil (or... MattE? or Travis?) told me that their sister (all of whom I am much more likely to trust) said they saw them holding hands down at the Greene. SOOOOO that kinda seals that deal for me, I'll be over here puking kthx

Also, Dad found out, but what happened was that we were all being overreactionary and hyperbolic (face it, when are we not) and Phil managed to tell him that they were getting married, which they are not, it's just my favorite reaction to say (with a disgusted look) "I don't want to go to their wedding" (which I think Stephen or Phil made a hilarious joke about "speak now or forever hold your peace" but I can't remember what it was, lol). ANYWAY, so then Dad asked me if I'd heard, and just to check it wasn't being bullshitted around (which always happens, and SURPRISE! it did) asked him exactly what he heard, which was that they were getting married, so I made sure to clear that up.

But still... Now that Dad and Mom know, it's kind of weird. Because all I can do is tell them I'm sufficiently creeped out by it, it's not like I can just go up and be like WELL I'M GLAD YOU LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM BUT I KIND OF HATE HIS GUTS, you know? Although I did realize if push comes to shove I cna tell them he really is kind of a creeper. In that awkward-guy way. BECAUSE HE IIIIISSSSS D:

Bleh, anyway. The main point of may day was this: Wolverine was awesome but cheesy, I miss doing the Charleston, and I love hanging out with the Carroll guys. =)

And now I'm really tired. =/ Gotta movie out tomorrow, oh what fun

I'm trying not to think about summer Surveying and how much I'm going to want to kill myself taking that class. Instead I'm hoping for lots of downtime I can use to get in shape and Tuesday Trivia Nights and taking my little to see Star Trek and hopefully having some awesome weekends. bleeehhhhhhhhn

[EDIT] Almost forgot don't wanna spoil it for you, but )
mercat: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd] Tolerance, education, and integrity.

I think we got caught up in mocking ourselves, and the media has become so sensationalist because of it, even just in the last eight years-- focusing on more extremist points of view, making us think that's the kind of folks who live next door.

We need a breath of fresh air. Take a step back from where we are and ask "what are the facts?" And learn to listen to them.

Sensationalism breeds fear, and fear breeds hasty action. We're too scared to realize what freedoms we are removing... How we are cutting out the very pedestal we stand on.

Okay, that's my preachy spot for today. :D Just my thoughts.

Also, it was my motherboard. I no longer have a computer at my disposal... and I don't think I'm going to be able what I *want* to buy (eepc that runs Ubuntu) because it won't run AutoCAD or MATLAB. Woo. /sarcasm

cheez whiz

Jan. 12th, 2009 09:55 pm
mercat: (Default)
Tiiiiiiiiime to do a tab dump.

Caring for your introvert. A really good article. copied here in case the page disappears )

I agree with that whole thing.

This is pretty cool; apparently if you are cremated in Japan, they take only the bones to put in the urn. Here we put the ashes. That's pretty cool. (Do we burn up the bones into ashes?)

I spent the other day catching up on Shortpacked! because I realized I hadn't read it since before Indy IV came out, and it probably had some related comics. It did. This is pretty much the only feeling I still have from my first viewing that I haven't processed. I mean... the janitor? Also, I'm pretty sure they just had regular ties, not bowties. (Although, let's face it, if I'm going to be picky, Indy was wearing jeans and a tee, not his getup anyhow.)

Apparently there's radium in the paint of older watches? I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I mean, people wore the watches, right? And I'm pretty sure that glass doesn't keep radiation out. And I didn't know radiation acted like "dust", either...? I guess it's that "light is both a wave and a particle" thing. *ees a mystery*

...I need a little gif of that cupcakes worm thing or something shrugging that says "is a mystery", because I would have been using it all the time recently. Not really sure why.

Do I sense some Twilight mockery? Why yes I do.

Lol, greasers are their natural enemy? Or is that another Indy knock...

Yeah, I'm flinching at that rock photo. Good photogrophy, that.

Food stroage, interesting. The paranoid part of me is intrigued.

OMFG CATE BLANCHETT WANTS TO DO CANCER VIXEN. That book is fucking amazing. It's well-written and clever, and it introduced me to the word 'asstlers'. (Ass antlers. Tramp stamps. You know.)

Anyway, that's all I have for now. Guh am I tired.
mercat: (hawaiiana jones)
So YAY Halloween shopping today! Definitely needed to get some capitalism out of my system, haha. I found a cute bat at Pier One and I got some fun stuff at the Halloween store. I got a knife for my costume and a pair of metal handcuffs for the pimps and 'ho's party (and a suitcase at the thrift store, yay!) and then also I couldn't pass up an "Arabian dagger" and an actually semi-quality metal snake band for an Egyptian costume (which I intend to use when I finally get my shit together and go as a Gorgon).

At the thrift store I finally found a green vest and also a sort of Mandarin vest that I plan to use for a steampunk outfit. I am dangerous when I go costume shopping--sure I have one outfit I need stuff for, but then I see a million other things that I want to do *eventually*... And this is why I have soooo many boxes full of costumes and props around the house, hehe.

I also got the chain (for my swiss army knife!) and the paint (for the suspenders), so basically all I really need is the purple gloves and the makeup latex, I think. No wait, I need to buy the socks from Sock Dreams, but that's it. I went to Hot Topic to see if they had the hexagon shirts in stock... But I didn't see anything at all. I don't think they had room for it, all the costume area was trashy girl outfits and bizarre raver stuff (I mean, more bizarre than their usual fare).

So tomorrow it's off to the Dayton Mall to check the other Hot Topic, and also any other Halloween stores down there; I know there's a Spirit store (I think I went to Halloween USA today), and hopefully at least one other. I was kind of upset that the Halloween store today didn't have Joker accessories (just full outfits), and they didn't have anything Indiana Jones at all (I need the fake whip). And Walmart and Target haven't either... Frustrating. Plus I want to find some of the fake dust that the Halloween Store had the past couple of years, I'm hoping that will dirt up my outfit sufficiently. Maybe I will have to take sandpaper and paint to it too, I don't know.

No luck on my purse run, either. I went all over the mall just looking for a khaki-ish military-ish messenger bag, because this one's kind of dying and for some reason it gets black all over EVERYTHING I put in it. I don't really know where I can find one... But I really need a new purse. Blaaaaaaugh. It was kind of funny how I just marched right in every store to the back to find their purses, looked over the wall for a second and then marched back out. Definitely on a mission. Sometimes the staff didn't even ask me anything, lol. TOO BAD FOR YOU =P

Whaaaaat eeeeeeeelse. Oh, I made a Best Buy run to see how early they open Tuesday, and I'm guessing the skull with dvd is going to run me about $50... Totally worth it. It will make a sweeeeeet Halloween decoration (jk... sort of). But I did find a FIVE WAY mp3 splitter, and the sound jacks are also input jacks, so that you can hook up a couple mp3 systems like a mixer. Which, I don't know how useful that will be, but a five-way splitter? Most definitely.

So yesterday. I'm forgetting something at the moment, but let's start with Capture the Flag. It is a fun game. But let's face it, it's a war game and everybody knows it; when you play it, everyone tries to cheat the rules to their advantage-- I have never met anyone that did not try to exploit the loopholes. As soon as our team left the game meeting to set up camps, I realizes this game was going to create a little drama, as one of the first things we did was create a fake flag. Loooovely. Anyway, we had a half hour to hide our flag, let the other team know where jail was and get ready. It's actually a pretty good set-up, all of campus and all the surrounding housing areas are out of bounds, as are the insides of buildings. The pathway from the campus entrance all the way down behind Stuart served as the boundary, and it was fairly even. We knew the instinctual place to put a flag was Serenity Pines, so we set up the decoy flag there with Candice and two of the other mello girls. Our jail was practically all the way across campus in front of KU in that amphitheatre area, which turned out to be a very bad idea for us. I think with about five or ten more people on each time it may have been viable; it at least kept the other team busy and away from the flag. Apparently the fake flag kept them going, too, the only problem was that there were a lot of people keeping busy at the jail, and then the rest of the team was at the decoy; leaving just me and Brooke to watch the flag. The basic idea was that Brooke would hide in the bushes around the corner from the flag; it was sort of in a corner next to VWK so the other team would pretty much have to pass her to get to it and she could walk out behind them and tag them and scare the shit out of them. My best part in capture the flag is hiding in a dark shadowy place as a lookout and scaring the shit out of anyone who comes by.

I was actually surprised by how many people wear black... When Katy took some art class I remember her telling me that black actually stands out in nature because of its complete lack of color, so I pulled out my green pants and actually my purple sweater worked really well, too, even though the inside of the hood is white. The secret to not being noticed I think is more in being completely still, which I lot of people can't handle. I don't know.

So anyway they really didn't send many people up our way towards the top of Stuart, I think because they didn't want to have to climb the hill that was on their side. I saw Tony come around behind Stuart Hall, up the back road. I jumped the gun and called for Brooke and went around her way and didn't see where he went, so at first I was afraid he was hiding in the bushes. But I went back to my tree lookout (I just leaned up against a tree for most of the hour... I could see the road behind Stuart as well as the hill in front and road in front of VWK, so I could basically see any direction the blue team would come for the flag unless they came through the bushes behind VWK, which turned out to be that they didn't even know the flag was there until laaaaaaaate). Anyway, so no one was really up our way but I was very afraid people would be because although as a team we'd agreed there would be more from our side up there backing us up, but no one was, they'd all left to be where the action was, I suppose. Standing there on lookout for long enough made me realize some of the failures of our plan, lol. I'm way too much of a strategist. Like the fact that I should have stayed hidden more than I did, because I think all that did was attract everyone to the fact that our flag was up there. Although Doug was scouting around too and I think he was the first one to figure out our flag was up there, because he then came around the front. It was rather funny, I watched him walk away down the street by VWK and then double back and creep up in the shadows.

Okay, so this part is the best part of the night. I am watching him sneak up towards the flag, but he doesn't know Brooke is right around the corner. I am trying not to give too much away, because I'd realized we'd been abandoned at our post and with only two people we actually can't afford to tag anyone and have to escort them down the hill to at least the other players, let alone back to the jail. So I am just waiting for Brooke to have to get him, hoping we can get it to all go quietly. At that point I see three blues come around behind Stuart and I'm just praying they don't see me in the shadows. I should have just let them go quietly and assumed they didn't see the flag, but by then I was too scared they were going to just walk up and take it, so I took the risk to scare them off, which incidentally I think did more harm than good because they realized I turned back. (I couldn't just leave one person guarding the flag... though I doubted anyone came with Doug, he was being too sneaky, like I was.) Instead I waited until I was out of their line of sight and they had passed the bushes, and then risking Doug knowing where I was I ran across behind the bushes and that was when I chased them a little and turned back. I realized that they noticed I had turned back, buuuut I had to, even though I really didn't want to. =/ Anyway, so I come back and I'm assuming Doug is as stubborn as I am, that he's still waiting in the bushes. I see some guys come out for a smoke and Brooke scared them where she had been hiding, and I heard the guy say he was going to pee there. Well I found out later that he had already had his pants down, and then when Brooke scared him he went over to where I assumed Doug was, and I hoped he didn't get peed on. Well later I found out (when he and Brooke told me about it) that he was still there (which we found out when we got stormed right at the end at eleven... that was a disaster letmetellyouwhat) and that he didn't get hit (at least I don't think so) but he didn't let the guy know he was there, he just was silent and hoped nothing happened. (Which, I knew he was that kind of intense about the game like I was-- I mean, he wore camo-- so I was happy to see that my guesses were right on that front.)

Yeah, anyway. Ten minutes left in the game we started getting company, they ran off knowing the flag was there and I think had gotten chased off by maybe Josh (the red captain), but as Andy ran down the hill he told the rest of the blues to get up to the top and get the flag. And there were like six of them, and then we were fucked. I knew our only hope was to try to delay it past eleven, which we think we succeeded in but they never rang the bell so it didn't end until they got the flag over to their side (which was 11:03, by the by). Although we were pissed off because they totally swarmed us when we had to replant the flag, which technically we were supposed to get ten minutes to re-hide, and they were supposed to go back to their side. And I was screaming "RED FLAG" at the top of my lungs which was the signal to get reds up the hill for backup, which GOD KNOWS WHY everyone was just CHILLING AT THE PINES when clearly the rest of the blue team not in jail was up the hill. Blargh.

And as for all's fair in love and war, they crossed Baujan field to hide their flag or some shit (which was not only against the rules but illegal for all students), and hid it in a place with one point of access (the rules said two, but they counted "up" as a direction), and then they didn't admit to who was on their team when they swarmed us, which was the entire point of the makeup (lol, pep band facepaint) even though people were showing up late just to watch the game, intentionally. So I was pissed about that because Josh (trumpet Josh) and Peter both lied to me about Josh being an observer, so I dismissed him from my strategy and ended up having to kind of fight him off. (Though I laughed when he tried to tackle me out of Peter's way and I spun around and he slipped on the leaves and fell... karma)

ANYWAY. So afterward we all bitched and then we all got together for a party at Peter's house and a bunch of played Peabone (also Mao also Jackass) which is the game where you know the card structure but you have to determine the rules as you go. It's fun as long as the rules people make as they go are fun, but they made me rather uncomfortable and I tried to be a good sport but eventually just gave up and took my deck and left. =/

So that was yesterday and today... yep. =)

I'm starting to think I want to upgrade to a paid account... So I can have a few more icons, but also maybe better layout and management stuff... I don't know, I keep thinking about it but I never register. And I keep telling myself the next time they offer permanent accounts I'll get one... So I don't know. Meh.
mercat: (Default)
I don't know if I mentioned it, but I really don't have time this week to update or anything. Um, I kind of have to make an exception. In comparison to everyone else's problems this week (of which I've heard many, and I'm talking friends around campus because haha like I've had time to read blogs) today qualifies as the worst day ever. And somehow I'm chugging through because I know if I don't, it will only get worse, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Um, but. It kind of gets worse. See, I am doing Hopewalk. That has consumed my life because yes Sarah is awesome and everything but she hasn't been real on top of stuff on her end so far, but at the same time she's getting stuck with all the work this weekend so I don't really feel like there's much room for me to complain.

So anyway. I had three tests last week and I have one on Thursday still and plus my regular homework load, plus an extra lab (I have to redo the first for some points I lost a lot of doing things wrong), plus the lab took me an impossibly long time to do the calculations which were wrong but hold on this is part of the story.

So I didn't even get to the lab until 11 last night. I worked on it until 12:30 when my brain stops comprehending numbers and I decide I'll get up at 5; that gives me an hour to finish that lab and an hour for the second and 15 minutes to do today's prelab. Well I spent the whole time working on the first lab which was still incomplete, and definitely spent a good chunk of time stressed and crying, but luckily Dr. Crosson understood about the run and I got an extension until tomorrow (my deadline, not hers).

Meanwhile I have a list of Hopewalk things 50 miles long. Switch cars with mom, copy forms, tables, pick up supplies from Kay (in Troy), make banners, email everyone about everything. I switched cars, then I had to meet with Dr. Crosson about what I was doing wrong, and then I had to come back and make a banner and do my art homework. So six o'clock rolls around, I have to go visit Kay to get the tables and water jugs, mom calls. My cousins' (I have only two first cousins, my dad's brothers twins) grandpa fell out of a tree and injured his head and is in urgent care.

Wow, yeah? Not good. He's so healthy and walks every day and head injuries are not good. But we can't tell Max in Colorado because he has a final tomorrow (his school does like month-long super-intense classes and rotates), and can't tell Kyle because he's in Argentina.

So I am stressing about getting the stuff back to campus in time to change into dressy clothes and make it to KU in time for Greek 101, which actually turnedout to be an awesome speaker but still sucked up two of my hours I could have been making the banners I didn't get to or the lab/homework I'm behind on.

Uh, so, I get back home afterwards and I'm trying to figure out all the Hopewalk stuff everyone has to do. Go through emails, my checklist, what do I need what are we doing where is everything. Check my phone to call Sarah. Three messages.

Mr. McGarvey died.

Um... yeah, wow. He was just so... full of energy all the time. And I think part of it is not that I knew him particularly well (I mean, I didn't) or that his accident is rather tragic or that I've spent so much time this past year trying to determine what I believe, and reconfirming at the very least I still have a lot of issue with the reality of "heaven" (as an idea I like it, though). That's not my problem. I don't know what the problem is, I just cannot accept death well, of anything. Maybe because I never had anyone close to me die until I was eleven or so and Fuzzy died. I mean Nana and Tippy didn't die until four years ago; that's a long time to go without someone close to you dying. (I mean, people in my family did, but locally the family is very small.) And I just... I dunno. Maybe because I'm so emotional. But it's just all a feeling of denial or something for me. They can't be dead, why don't I remember more about them, what about this and that everything, and so often I will have a dream or a thought or a memory of them where they are so alive and I am just so haunted by it, I can't get over it. I still bawl about Nana, and Fuzzy and Tippy and forgodssakes even Papa sometimes though I never met him. And Jacob, damn. He died too young.

I dunno, it's an area where I feel completely lost, and all I can do is miss them, a lot.

Hopefully, Max can come back and Kyle can too, and the funeral will be next week. I definitely need this PoD weekend now (yet another thing on my stress-source-until-Friday list; I need to pack and do laundry and go shopping), definitely definitely definitely.

Yet somehow I just push it all aside because I don't want to use that excuse; I need to stay on top of things and clear things out of my to-do list. I don't know. I can't guess if I'll be upset tomorrow, I'm probably too busy with my to-do's rught now. I'm just waiting until someone makes a comment during band... I think that's the time I'll really just sort of collapse.

This day has been ridiculous. I can't say worst day ever because somehow I am coping with it all. But it feels ludicrous. I already got an extension because of how busy I am, and if I absolutely needed to I could actually go in tomorrow and say "I had a death in the family, I need a further extension" and it's the truth. And somehow... that ridiculousness... feels the weirdest to me.

I was really hoping this entry was going to be about the speaker from tonight, which, by the way, it's still tonight of the 23rd for me because I haven't gone to bed yet. Dear lord, I nearly nodded off in art today, who knows how awful it will be tomorrow. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a month and a half, and I doubt a good one is forthcoming.
mercat: (Default)
So good so far. I wonder about something though; something that's probably completely unrelated in actuality, but I always thought it was interesting that Max and Kyle were twins, Dad and I have the same birthday, and Laura and Uncle Steve are two days apart. Max and Kyle are definitely maxandkyle, if that makes sense; and even though Kyle's in Argentina until January. Laura and Uncle Steve are both stubborn as hell but Laura also has her pretty-much-adopted-sister-twin Savannah. And I think in the same vein, dad was always sort of my twin (as it were), which I think is why I'm more of an independent person. Does that make any sense? Lol. Just a random thought and there probably isn't a whole lot of reality basis in it, but I thought it was interesting.

Also I found out today is Dr. Herrelko's 37th anniversary. X)

Clearly this is a good day! (I'm kind of hoping it rains so I can wear my dress to practice. I also determined that these skirts make me feel sort of neo-hippy-beachy. /random)
mercat: (HGTTG)
Ugh, today pretty much sucked hard core. Too much to do... just lots of little things. Some stupid homework frustration, stuff for Hopewalk, had to go to the craft store. Missed a meeting I didn't even know I needed to be at and then realized I pretty much won't see Pat for a year because when he gets back I plan to be marching.

I did sort of have fun writing the Hopewalk Newsletter ("Questions? Comments? Concerns? Ideas? Killer dance moves? Plans for world domination?") possibly because I have been in a very crack mood lately. Thanks to party posts mostly, I think, but also a driving need to be me again and not get ground down by mechanics (uuuuuugggghhhh, the ABSOLUTE WORST part of engineering).

So. A few more hours until I'm 20... I at least feel justified in that I had some very deep and reflective thought processes in art history that I wrote down so I can go back and think (and blog) them out more substantially.

Tomorrow (yeah, because I didn't go to bed yet) I will be 20. I am intelligent and mature and still completely a kid at heart. I'm a dreamer but a thinker when I need to be and I know how to lay down the law when it needs to be done. My favorite song has always been the 1812 Overture regardless of age and regardless of your music-snobbery attitude towards Tchaikovsky. I've never dated and I don't give a flying fuck because I'm busy and happy living my own life. I'm rolling into my second decade with lots of bright and happy new clothes and the closest you can get to an authentic Indiana Jones (Raiders) hat without owning the ones used in the movie itself. I live Aloha even if it makes me naiive, but I see the pessimistic side as an engineer. I love cats and Winnie the Pooh and my friends and traveling and reading and acting like a goofball and nature and being weird and yelling and singing and polkaing. You hear me coming because I'm always whistling, because I'm happy, because it's who I am. I sing, I dance the Charleston, I march drum corps. I play trumpet, ukulele, vibraphone, french horn, steel drums, piano, and native american flute. I don't believe in god but I have faith in people and I find culture fascinating. My mind is caught in a dream world while my body is inexorably attached to this one, and no, that's not as stupid as it sounds, you just might need a better explanation. Raiders is my favorite movie, Hitchhiker's Guide and American Gods are my two favorite books. Life is good even when it sucks. I'm not ready to move but I'm really excited for my attic room. I don't play many video games anymore (besides Goldeneye? haha) but I spend a lot of time online. I still haven't bought a lighter or an actual weapon even if those were the things I was really looking forward to about turning 18. I may not know exactly where I'm going but whichever route I take in professional life I will find some sort of passion, and I will take one of them, imagineer or architect or somewhere in between. I love Mountain Dew and Taco Bell and music and cats. I haven't done much with my hair in the past five years but Laura and I are planning to dye some purple and green. I'm not interested in makeup or glamorous hair or even moderately-popular clothing. I grew up on classics and added some Parrot-headed cat-loving crazy-thinking flair. I curse like a sailor but like all forms of immaturity I know when to reign it in (also, drum corps gave me a filthy mouth). I miss marching, I miss my friends from Hawaii, I miss all my friends from Carroll, especially the band kids. I love all my friends from UD and sometimes I wish I weren't such an introvert. I don't have any favorite colors, but I love mixed brights in retro or tropical ways, and I love adventurous earthy tones. I'm a red-white-and-blue girl; American, Patriot, Flyer, Silversword. I'm a yellow-and-black girl, too; Southwind, Batman, Hufflepuff. I love hats. I love costuming. I hate giving speeches of any sort. I love that I picked Lucy for my confirmation name, for my mom who is an eternal fan of Peanuts and for our family in Wisconsin who is now healthily growing and learning to talk. (The agnostic-atheist part of me still wishes I'd picked Ursula because it's awesome and my initials could have spelled "dumb" though.) I love my Parrothead-mobile (which doesn't have a name, despite Chester the squeaky mouse living in the back) because it was Nana's and because my first drive as a liscensced driver, Jimmy Buffett was playing on the radio. (Cheeseburger in Paradise or Margaritaville, can't remember which but I'm 90% sure it's back in the logs, mid-to-late September 2004 or so). Sports are not my thing but I am all about drum corps. I like to think. I like to daydream. I wonder about death and growing old and religion and infinity and 88, which, by the way, is still my lucky number.

Tomorrow I will wake up and try not to cry that officially my childhood is over, that time marches on, that I miss Nana and Fuzzy and Tippy and even George or all the family members I never met.

Thank you to everyone who's made me who I am, to mom, to grandma, to grandpa, to Nana, to Papa, to Jack and Spats and Tippy and Fuzzy and Sunshine and my ill-fated betta Cappy; to Laura, to Savannah, to Anna, to Aunt Dawn, to Uncle Steve, to maxandkyle; to Zack Grooms and Phillip Kreutzfeld and Ryan Hines; to my dad the troop leader, and Mrs. Fleisher for reading us Polar Express, and Miss Shoup; to Lara and Pat and Kevin and Mark and Danny and Rachel and Angie and Fu and Christina and Liz and Katy and Weebl and Kondwani and Rachel; to Mrs. Minge and Ms. Downie and Ms. Wourms and Mr. Hemmert and Mrs. Fisher and Mr. Rakel; to Johnny and KVon and Alicia and MattE and Domer and Fischer and Becca and Jacob; to the friends I am making at UD and the friends I have; to the people who don't even know how much they've affected me [to Tchaikovsky, to John Williams, to Iz, to the classic rock stars, to the fifties stars, to Alan Menken and Howard Ashman, to Harrison Ford, to Carrie Fisher and the red truck game she won't ever know about, to the people who set up TOSRV, to Gaudi, to the designers of COSI's Adventure, to Walt Disney, to Frank Lloyd Wright, to Mad Anthony Wayne, to Buckminster Fuller, to the green enthusiasts of the world, to Mother Nature]; to my Patriots family, to my POD family, to my Southwind family; to anyone who's ever dreamed about change, or even dreamed at all; to everyone who feels and thinks and hopes and cries when they hit an animal in their car; to everyone who loves art and music, and to those who perform; to those who give up a comfortable life for a life of passion; to everyone and anyone and even to all my stuffed animals and Winnie the Poohs at home; thank you for what you are, thank you for what you were, and thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life.

Happy birthday, Dad-Dad-Daddio!
mercat: (Default)
Alrighty, so... my parents bought the house. Dad doesn't think we'll be movied there for at least a year and a half, and also I'm glad they bought the one with a yard and not that ridiculous sun-room and the hostile garden takeover. (Seriously, the one they liked had god-awful wallpaper and paint jobs, this atrocious Florida room and NO YARD. IT WAS ALL PLANTS AND DECK AUGH) Anyway. Sooo... yeah. =( I'm a bit of a sad puppy. I'm not ready to give up the open space of living out here... =C The only awesome thing so far is that mom was trying to figure out room arrangements so that Laura wouldn't get shafted on closet space like she did here, and asked me if I would like the attic room (although that would mean everything gets stored in the basement--but this time it's dry...) ...YES...! So that's kind of cool. It will be short but I've always liked cavey places, aaand I sort of get a bathroom to myself (sort of).

Anyway, I watched Batman Begins again tonight. I couldn't remember what happened all the way with Wayne, only the bad-guy-takeover plot. I still love this movie, and the pacing is nowhere near as complicated as I first thought. The flashbacks did get confusing the first time, but if you listen closely to the dialogue (which I've been much more attuned to lately), they relate a lot more.

Anyway, besides the Wayne background that I couldn't remember, I was watching to compare the portrayal of Gotham. I guess we're getting into spoilers...GO SEE THE MOVIE ALREADY )

So just wondering, who hasn't seen this movie yet, or doesn't plan to and doesn't care about spoilers? I don't want to spoil it because it's a freaking beautiful movie and plot, but, yeah, I try to avoid cuts in my personal journal when I can. (Makes it easier to search and scan later.)

Why do we not have a closer IMAX yet? The closest is the AF museum, obviously, but they don't show non-educational films. Which I don't blame them, I mean, it's a military institution and that would be a hassle, I'm sure. Same thing goes for COSI, which is probably the next closest IMAX. So where are the commercial IMAXes?! AUGH, I want to see TDK in IMAX sooooo baaaaadly.

Anyway, interesting thing that has been mulling in my brain since Friday night/midnight Saturday, when the final installment of Dr. Horrible went up. You know what, this is rambling and probably spoilery for both... )

I really need to catch up on How I Met Your Mother, too. Is it sad that I only see Dr. Horrible instead of Barney? It seemed like Dr. Horrible acted almost exactly like Barney, minus how much of a jerk he is, which has only convinced me Barney has Billy hiding away... somewhere. If they got Felicia Day on the show... OMG I WOULD DIE OF HAPPINESS! <3 (I think I'm just desperate for something to get unjossed? Is that possible?)

So this fall I have three shows to watch: How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, and YAAAAAY PUSHING DAISIES! =^n.n^=
mercat: (Default)
I went out to see Batman again with Johnny last night. MattE was supposed to come along from the airshow but we got up there too late and then he had to babysit his neighbor.

I probably should have waited longer before seeing the movie again; remembering all the twists and lines definitely makes it less emotional, which makes it a challenge because the whole movie is an emotional high. And without that, it can be hard to follow the story. But you do get to notice a lot of the little details more.

spoilers )
mercat: (HGTTG)
I am just not destined to get a car. We went to check out that other Honda, guess what? The whole place is for sale, locked up (gated), nobody there. (BUT ALL THE CARS WERE, DAMMIT) *le sigh*

There is a good discussion going on over here about strong female characters (in any/every series). It's a lot of good reading and thought material, but I'd really encourage you guys to fill it out, too. (Just, over there, not here.)
mercat: (Default)
JK's speech to Harvard )

Absolutely wonderful. To the idiots who thought they deserved better as a speaker, please gofuckyourselves. Or remove yourself from the gene pool, either is acceptable. Anything to demonstrate your entitled asshatery =^n.n^=

I might have linked this before: The physics errors of Indiana Jones IV. Just interesting on a curiosity level.

Besides the skulls, the inspiration for the Chachapoyan idol might have also been a fake? (Scroll down to the side mini-article.) Interesting. Personally, I don't really care, it definitely won't end my fascination with such subjects. =P And since the idol in the movie is fake anyway...

I KNEW THEY EXISTED SOMEWHERE IN TIMESPACE and now I must procure one. Preferrably a new one. Or! A way to mold them. I know they have that pink one for dressing up like a 60's gogo-dancer, but to me, that sort of ridiculous hair just screams "use me to make anime hairstyles!" Not that I have any sort of use for them whatsoever.

Sexy awesome. in case you hadn't noticed, I'm what they call a nerd

Architect Me loves this.


Jun. 10th, 2008 09:52 am
mercat: (Default)
Extremely long, but
1) that's kind of the point, and
2) it's extremely interesting.

a very interesting article about the human brain )

Discussion: First of all, I think because I'm so stupidly paranoid sometimes, I love dystopian stories. I would really like to write one one day. I had an idea, it's sitting in a folder on my computer, but the problem is that it's more for the technology involved on a cool level, rather than the dystopian issues. Basically like distilling Star Wars down to lightsabers. Cool, but you don't get any story. Someday hopefully I'll have a good idea though.

Now, to the actual article. (I have two post-its full of notes I made about the article, but I'm sure I am missing a few because I wrote them as I skimmed it a second time.) I've noticed this myself, and in fact I think I may have even blogged about it before. Probably talking about internet addiction and stuff. I know that I am a whore for information. Seriously, trivia, knowledge, you name it. I've pretty much always wanted to be in school, just at my own pace. I think, for the rest of my life, I will always be taking some sort of class. I enjoy learning new techniques and gaining new skills and having information stored away at the back of my brain. The problem is, you forget it over time... But that's not my point, I'm getting a bit tangential. The point is, I've noticed I find it harder to read books. Unless it's extremely compelling, I will stop and think a few pages/chapters in, but my eyes keep moving, which is annoying because then you have to go and read a whole page over again. I've always had that quality, that I will think, almost anywhere. My best friend in gradeschool used to tease me about it all the time, because sometimes I would stop talking to her in a car ride or something and just be staring out the window, thinking. I used to get people asking me if I was okay, yeah, I'm fine, I'm just staring out the window looking at things and thinking about them... But I have noticed that after a little bit I lose interest in the book, it just becomes words on the page. More than just stopping and thinking (or getting easily distracted, like many books you have to read for school, oh, let's say, Wuthering Heights [BLECH]), but completely losing interest. Almost as if your eyes lose focus because you've been reading too long, but it's coming from your brain instead. The words on the page just become mush. It's so frustrating.

Sometime last year, I can't remember if it was before drum corps or after fall semester, I told myself that this year would be a big change for me. I was going to Hawaii to get in some relaxation, some adventure, figure out what in my life is not going right. There are a lot of small things, I suppose, but I think the main thing I noticed is that I've lost my self-limitation. I used to be able to just come home, do what I had to do, and then I could do what I wanted. Part of it was that gradeschool was too easy in some ways, and not interesting in many others, and when I got to high school I cared less about classes because I cared more about friends. Same with college, and especially because I told myself I'm doing engineering because I can, not because it's my main interest. I just want to have the skillset. Which only leads to more procrastination. But the issue here is that I needed to sit myself down and say, no, you have to start caring about stupid things again, they aren't going to work themselves out. I need to manage my time online. I need to exercise more. I need to make an effort getting out to meet people. I need to be ME and not lose myself in inane things. I don't even know where I lost myself, but somewhere toward the end of high school and the beginning of college, I did. I focused too much on what other people wanted me to be, so much the adult because I know, and they know, that I can handle the responsibility-- but I can't forget that I am so much a child's imagination. I daydream, I sketch, I have too many ideas and aspirations. I'm too hopeful in humanity, probably. But I've always felt that way, and I think I tried to crush it. It seems like all throughout gradeschool I was one of the most mature kids in my class, though I always felt frustrated by the fact that I had no real knowledge/understanding/interest in current events, other than scientific. In that sense I think I definitely matured, though it pretty much took me all throughout high school. But I can definitely at least better understand some politics and things, or at least I have more of an interest in them. Something about them is still not there for me to grasp. Anyway, the point is that I have a need to create and a need to let my imagination go and a need to be a dork. I can't sacrifice that for anything. Maybe I'm not going to play with all my toys but it doesn't make it any less fun having them. Laura was looking at me ridiculously for buying so many of the Indiana Jones 3 3/4" figures, but as soon as I pulled them out of the box to show her she started messing with the accessories and the boxes and we actually spent a little while setting them up and trying to keep Spalko's pistol from getting eaten by Jack.

And now I am extremely far off topic. Back to my post-its.

Artificial intelligence scares the SHIT out of me. Not in the sense that computers will take over and we'll become a biology to be exploited or killed, but rather in the sense that humans will become nothing more than advanced technology, modifying ourselves until we lose every element of humanity... and yeah, I know that deep down poetically it's emotion, but it scares me that people want to genetically CHOOSE what their kids will be, not just male or female but eye color and hair color and intelligence and skills and strength, and that those are things that would eventually become outdated as they are upgraded, and soon you have outdated children. Who could treat a person like that? Another human being? This is ignorance. (This is Sparta! Oh wait. No, it's just ignorance. Maybe politics. But it's madness, too.)

And maybe genetic modification everyone decides is unethical. (Though there would probably still be someone out there experimenting... the law isn't perfect) So what if people can put chips into their brain to remember things? Yeah, I remember reading a kids magazine wishing you could just do that so you wouldn't have to go to school. Convenient, but what if your computer broke, or was programmed badly? Or you crashed in a forest and a moose trampled on you and broke the circuit? Then where would you be? And it also leads to the ego that you think you know something, but really, you don't. This is another thing I've had to find out about myself recently. Gradeschool was too easy and not interesting, and it's easy to delude yourself about teachers and books and things if you're obsessive about good grades, but starting senior year and going 'til now I've been able to admit to myself a few things. Grades aren't as important as they seem, because you should get out and live. That being said, they're very convenient for scholarships and things, and I will probably be kicked out of the honors program. Which upset me, but after a while being bitter I realized there really aren't any benefits anyway, other than being able to check out 100 books from the library at a time. (If I'm still in, I'm going to do it. If not, I'm stealing Candice's card to do it.) Oh, and I won't graduate Summa Cum Laude (I think?), but... does that really matter? Besides grades, I had to learn that I'm not as much of a genius as I wished I was. There are things I don't understand, and probably my mewest revelation is that you can't just learn them for a semester, for a test. You're not really learning anything, and I'm starting to feel those effects. You have discussions with your friends and realize that even though you studied and at one point knew what they are talking about, you can't recall as much of it as you'd like. (Then again, maybe I'm too obsessive and I just want to remember it all. Who knows.)

Can't remember if I already mentioned this a few paragraphs up, but I'm just going down the post-its now. Staying in school... I think I will be always taking classes, about something. Literature, history, art, you name it. And because classes in school are so focused, I'm always reading. Used to be magazines and books, now mostly internet. I have acess to learning so many things I may never need to know directly, but what if them one day applies to a creative engineering solution or a writing idea or an art idea? That's how my brain works, I have millions of stupid little things floating around, and somehow they will crash into eachother and I'll have an idea. In order to be creative I know I have to feed my brain, but I've also learned if I'm feeding it I need to be creative.

Something else I think I've touched on before, and I think about at least once a week if not once a day; age and technology. I wonder how a generation that's grown up understanding computers will adjust to technology as they get older, as older generations fall behind (and older technology falls behind, and the things that go with it: media, politics... sadly). I wonder how technology's going to change...

Now, malleability of the brain, that's interesting. It's both good and bad. Bad in that my brain is becoming more rapid-fire and I lose focus reading books. Not good at all. Good in that it means you can teach an old dog new tricks... Definitely one of my fears. That I will stop learning, that I will get stupid with age (yeah, not just fear of dying here AUGH), that I will lose ability to do things as I get old. Not that I feel old now, though I think people expect me to say that because OHMYGODI'MTWENTY (well, not yet, technically). Like I've said before, I'm too much a child's mind and I don't want to not learn things, not be able to go on adventures. (At least, it's self-encouragement to get in shape. So when I in my eighties I can still run.)

Internet is not the only thing that messes with my brain. I cannot listen to music when I study, or really when I do anything that is not expressly listening to music. Maybe it's because I was so much raised on music that it's like my sixth sense, tempo and tuning and listening and feeling it. For a while I just tried studying to music without words, because I figured it was that language is so important to us that it would be what distracts us, but it's not true for me, it's definitely any sort of music. That being said, I just had the remembrance that a common "science fair" in grade school was to see who took a test better, those who listened to music while studying, and those who didn't, and that those who listened to (I think classical) did better. I am not sure that would work for me, though I think the science behind it is that the music stimulates more of your brain to get it active and remembering. Only problem for me is that I guess it is too active. Maybe it's just that my brain is turning into an internet-brain and I lose focus on studying, but really music should help... who knows.

I've also noticed my mental to-do list skills breaking down. Now whether that was that I have so much more to keep track of now, not just do your homework do your chores work on a craft project and go to bed, but do your homework go to work remember what to wear and then go to the bank and then go to walmart (with a whole separate mental list) and then go home to meet laura and pack (yet another list) and then clean the house so people can come over at x time and then go on vacation... remains to be seen. Or maybe that I now purposefully carry around a notebook and pen at all times, and write down project ideas and things I need to do, and I rely more on that... But I almost always forget to go back and check it. Right now my desk is COVERED in post-it notes and the notepad function on my phone is full. For a while I tried a method of keeping "A, B, C, D" level lists on my desktop in Word, but that was forgotten quickly because it requires upkeep. So... I don't know.

Another topic dealing with age and technology: how people watch movies. When you are younger, everything is entertaining, and when you are older you start watching stuff made more for the story and the thoughtfulness and the emotion and stuff. And if you're trained in certain technical areas, I'm noting more nowadays that you watch the costumes or the acting or the way the camera pans or the editing or the CGI. I'm not convinced it's because a lot of my friends have interest or training in that, though I'm sure that's part of it. I think part of the issue is that it's popular (popular? I don't know) to be a cynic, to think you're an expert, to watch it not for entertainment but on a meta-level to guess it's predictability and it's qualities that I think ten years ago only a professional (or indie) movie maker would have cared about. Maybe it's part youtube, maybe it's the addition of behind-the-scenes special features on almost all DVDs (and I swear to god if they don't start putting more special features on the Indy dvds I will kill someone), who knows. Maybe it's all of that.

You know what word never ceases to distract me from the quality of the writing? "Gewgaws." PLEASE STOP USING THIS WORD, PEOPLE, I am begging you

Part of me has always wanted simplicity. Not quite being a hermit but living in a small house being able to take care of all my stuff and growing my own food (or catching/killing my own food, whatever) and being able to manage everything myself. Part of it is that machines are becoming too complicated, it requires a LOT of skill to be able to fix cars now. Part of it is my concern for the environment, that owning little and having a small footprint is best. Part of it is that man is turning into machine... a corporate machine, maybe, but a machine nonetheless. Buy the clothes buy the ipod buy the phone buy the car buy the gas buy the fancy restaurants buy the (COMPLETELY BULLSHIT MARKET) diamonds. I think, in a small-market system, captialism is good. Maybe I'm just too much of a gloom-and-doom worry wart, but I'm really afraid for where we, as a society, are headed. Environment, politics, corporations... Ugh. Maybe just another reason to want to get away from it all...

Plus, I've always thought survivalist skills are cool. (AND ENVIRONMENTAL HOUSE DESIGN! Awesome) I'd love to see anyone from Hollywood survive in a forest for a week. I know my plants recognition skills aren't all that great, but I don't think I'd do too badly. Shelter, water, I am there. Fire in theory. Trapping animals a bit more of a challenge.

(WOO, one post-it down!)

Back to my dystopia thing for a second-- you know what would be interesting? A current-day dystopia novel. Something that would happen tomorrow. I think partially because technology moves at an exponential rate, that it would both have to be as well as make it more interesting. (Only thing is that it would go out of date probably very quickly...) Hmm. I'll have to think on this some more.

Another concern of having a mind that moves too quickly: ADD diagnoses. They're already way too high, and way overmedicated, but being raised on the internet might only make that worse.

Maybe I am just a bit old-fashioned, wanting to avoid having a brain that moves too quickly, but in the same manner I hate having downloaded-only music and movies. I'd rather own the dvd and the cds. I think it's still too easy for files to corrupt, for computers to crash or get broken, and there are all the stupid limits like iTunes "you can only download this file to five computers!" I know it's so they make more money, but, UGH, I'm not going to get into a political rant about how I think this (almost)depression is good for most Americans... Also, I almost always have music playing in my head. You think I'm kidding... I'm not. The only time I don't consciously hear it is if I'm thinking particularly hard about something interesting.

Also, scary that we are losing our ability to focus long-term... I already think it's scary we used to have much more impressive memory skills, but lost that with the invention of the printing press. Maybe it's just that I am too insecure and always afraid I will need to remember something I have forgotten, or that I hate egotism so much and there are so many people who think they're really smart but really know nothing. I don't know. Also, I think losing the ability to focus on something for a long time will just accentuate the aspect of immaturity that you don't think outside of your immediate actions, the whole monkeysphere theory. Truly fascinating stuff.

(My next thought was, this sounds like something I read the other day that sounded like it could have come from Douglas Adams [I don't remember what it was, but it involved discussion of "it's a small world" and that it's all an act that there are only 500 people besides you {which isn't true, I have over 500 people friended on facebook, all but a handful I actually know in person}, but in reality it's just that there are many smaller circles of about 500 people... maybe it was Neil Gaiman?]. And then, it's interesting how British humor always has an interesting take on something, like they sat back to get a bit more perspective than you, and I love that. But then that also relates to this discussion, what if it's just their being a bit more old-fashioned? Almost like the metaphorical US as a pre-teen and Britain being in it's late 20's saying there-there, I told you so, in a mocking but not annoying manner. Which makes me wonder, what if the British have got it right all this time...) (I dunno, I do kind of think I could easily live there. Reading Adams, he's said that Brits are much more sensible and that atheism and agnosticism is not looked down upon as badly as it is in the US. BY THE WAY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. I can't see the video, but from the quotes that sounds ATROCIOUS. Just makes me more frustrated for that whole campaign by scientists to get more discussion of technology and global warming and important topics into legislature... ARGH)

Um, and back to the Epic Memory thing real fast (termed because I remember that people used to memorize the Odyssey and the Iliad), most memorization today is just rote. You do it until it becomes an instinct, not necessarily putting the thinking behind it, and I think that was an issue for me for learning some things. Or rather, testing on them. You can't teach a method of study of rote memorization and then expect it to be APPLIED. Argh.

Oh, and I think I may have actually lost a lot of my skill telling jokes. Laura and I used to be able to go on forever, back and forth from one joke to the next. I think part of that is that as you get older you find other things to entertain yourself with, and that I've stopped reading jokes as much, and I know I haven't listened to the Dr. Laura Thanksgiving Day joke show in a while, and I don't even know if she doesn't anymore. (Still annoyed that the one year we got through, LAURA STOLE MY JOKE ...yeah, I can hold grudges like nobody's business)

Interesting that the author of the article talks about pancake people. I think that's definitely true, and kind of goes back to my idea that perhaps capitalism on a more personal level is better. Mom and Pop stores and people actually learning trades if they have no interest in school, and a car I can fix myself... But that's back to politics again, I'd rather not go there. Only thing is, I don't know if I'm a product of society in that way, or if it's just my personality, but I've always been sort of a take-interest-in-everything want-to-be-a-renaissance-man sort. I tend to think it's me and not society, as this is still relatively new in regards to the internet raising people, and I am a bit extreme and all-over-the-board in my interests.

Now, back to something off topic but relating to my dystopia interest. I have almost always read books for entertainment rather than education (though a lot of educational stuff was entertaining to me...), and my dad and I have always thought that you should be able to look at a book as entertainment and not have to analyze it for themes and symbolism and metaphors. But I also wonder, it can be very interesting to have that secondary level, if you study it. I've always wanted to write a book and just say "there's no lesson here, it's just supposed to be fun", but I don't know if I could anymore. I mean, I think I could, but it wouldn't be as interesting as something with more significance. (But when I try to write significance with metaphors, I go a bit crazy, and that's another issue.) Are there are stories just pure entertainment with no lesson, though? Star Wars? I mean, I love the hell out of Indiana Jones, but I'm pretty sure the basis is to be responsible for what is right, there, and have a sense of mystery and awe. Terminator? I mean is there some Kubrickesque dystopian message there? I have no idea (I've only seen it once).

Ideally, my writing style is like Hitchhiker's Guide or Neil Gaiman or Diana Wynne Jones, all of which I consider to be entertainment primarily. (However, American Gods has a deeper meaning for me, which is slightly off topic.) Are there any messages in Hitchhiker's Guide? I don't really think so, other than, stop taking it all so seriously because it doesn't really matter (which, while sometimes good, also worries me). My only problem is that it takes quite a lot of work to get me in that mood, and it's difficult to keep. Like I said, I think I'm too much of a renaissance man. I would write a book in that style and never be able to write another one like that again, but I would easily move on to another idea another genre another style. I could act if I had the chance, I would sing if I had the chance, I would be an architect or an Imagineer. Who knows, really...

(Incidentally, 2001 was a movie I felt they could have cut the beginning and the end off of and had a decent movie. I guess I'll have to watch it again with the right metaperspective. Damn me for expecting entertainment...?)

[EDIT] Also, I wonder if my newfound semi-carsickness (I can no longer read in the car... extremely disheartening for me) relates at all to this. Truly.
mercat: (Default)
Ah, banking. I think one day I will need to hire someone to do my money for me because I am too laid back about it. I keep rough estimates in my head and that's about it. (You should see my checkbook, it's a shame. Good thing I pretty much never use it.)

Sometimes I am too much of an engineer. Now, I know I say that a lot, and what I mean when I say "too much of an engineer" is not that I love engineering (I'm finding the math to be more and more of a chore, and I'm pretty sure any purely-desk job is going to be the death of me) but that my mind is inherently practical. I know it's too simplistic but for the sake of polar opposites (the extremes of a spectrum) there's the engineer and the artist. The artist goes around freely while the engineer is anal-retentive about everything. My issue is that I have the practical, logical side of the engineer inside the artist, but I know that I have the skills and the intelligence to handle the engineering side. (I'm just learning I don't really enjoy it so much.)

The whole main stupid point of this is that coming home from being AWAY away for school, I've noticed some social abnormalities that drive my mom insane but work for me. And I have the distinct feeling living with someone who was not a careless college student would be somewhat awkward or a social challenge. For example, I don't really clean. I mean, I keep things clean enough to work, but I don't organize my stuff because what gets used most is where I need it and I organize things by memory. Where was that little craft part I needed? Oh yeah, I last saw it organizing my closet so it's on the craft shelving in my closet on the supplies shelf in the bits box. However this drives my mom insane.

Anyway, that's just an example. This thing will be the death of me because I won't want to keep track of finances, or make elaborate meals (elaborate meaning, like... normal), or keep things as well maintenanced as they should be.

(Except for some reason I file things on my computer to an inane degree. If they invented tag systems for storage rather than folders, I will die happy.)

DAMN YOU LAZINESS WHEN DID YOU KICK IN (Seriously when I was in gradeschool I used to be super-driven, I don't know what happened.)


mercat: (Default)

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