I don't know.

[mercat]

Man, life is just... I don't know, anymore.

Not good? Hm.

Well, they didn't release the Indy IV trailer, for which I am deeply saddened because I have to wait until February and the movie wasn't that good anyway. And sadly this is not even the "bad news."

Changes. Yes. They... are. Hm.

If there is one thing I hate about my life it is my inability to find best friends. Perhaps I have new ones now (Kim and Melissa I seriously love you guys) but it still hurts to... lose? something you had.

So after a painful day of ignorance and such, the standards, sadly, I got the group of guys together for a holiday-hurrah and goodbye for MattE. Unfortunately no one can apparently get over themselves anymore, and everyone pretty much hates eachother but pretends not to? I don't know. People need to talk things out. And it seems like it's a bunch of bullshit (or INACCURATE) reasons also.

Um, but I am tangentializing here. The main deal is that... these guys are still my crowd, and I'm glad they know that, even if they don't like eachother. But... two of them... who shall remain nameless... you know who you are.

I can't deal with you anymore. I'm not... your mother...your bank...your schedule...your secretary... I'm not so many things. We're supposed to be friends and as much as I want to be your friend you are bringing nothing to the table. It is a chore for me to hang out with you and I can't take it anymore. It's insulting to make plans and have you show up late. It's BULLSHIT to make plans and have them forgotten. I love you guys. But I can't be friends with LEECHES. That's not a relationship. Humor in return is not enough, because you can't take anything seriously anymore. I don't know what happened to you, I don't know if you are oblivious or ignorant or just plain stupid. But I can't forgive it anymore. This is your last chance. I've turned my cheek and everytime I end up crying. There's only so much one person can take, and for me this is it.

It's not about being strong, it's not even about growing up. I'm fine with the fact that you're immature, it's goofy and it's fine. I'm not cool with the fact that you're completely irresponsible.

I'm hoping the letters I send you will finally make you realize what's going on. I don't even know if you care. And that way you can either fix it or let me know you don't care, because the ambiguity is killing me.

It hurts to rip off the leeches, but in this case the leeches are draining me and that hurts even more.


And also sorry the metaphor and for those who read this who it doesn't apply to, for the depressiveness. That's just been my entire day and I think if I could scream it from every mountain top it wouldn't be enough because I don't think they'd get it.

And also I can't seem to find my Christmas spirit, even though I tried more this year, and that's making me sad, too.

When did life become such a suckfest? And around Christmas, too.

It always seems as though whenever my friends are having bad times, I'm okay, and the other way around, too. It would be nice if life would work some stuff out for once. I feel like I try so hard to be "good" or "normal" and life just hands me more problems because of it.

I just don't know, anymore.

Comments

[astrid087.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the whole Indy trailer thing, and also the friends thing. I hope they wake up and realize how awesome you are, and what jerks they're being at the moment.

*throws Christmas spirit in the general direction of Xenia*

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Thanks. =)

[wise-panther08.livejournal.com]

I can empathize witht he pain of having a close friend as a leech. I thurt to get rid of him, but I'm a hell of a lot better for it. It may be depressing, but who knows, maybe they sucked the spirit out of you? If so, here's some of mine :3. *also throws some chirstmas spirit the way of diane's house*

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks. =)