oh lawd is dat sum original content?!

Theofax, originally written for metaquotes

--There's a reason he said "speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far". You better hope he's not standing behind you right now; a secret-ninja-induced visit to outer space is probably not that pleasant.

--Teddy bears were invented after Roosevelt was out hunting and scared the skin off a pair of bears simply by saying "hello". The bears jumped so high they are now known as Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. In light of his upset at being recieved so, Roosevelt invented the stuffed animal to honor them and inspire cuddly feelings in all Americans, and was forever shamed by his nickname. This may, however, be a trick, considering the nature of him and his stick and all.

--The Rough Riders weren't there under Roosevelt's command; they were there to save all the innocent bystanders.

--Under Theodore Roosevelt's moustache is another Rough Riders cavalry. If he calls for them, you're probably not an innocent bystander.

--Teddy Roosevelt showed up at the end of Newsies so that Christian Bale could be free to live a full life and save humanity as Batman and John Connor. Someday they will both retire to Santa Fe; it is debatable that Roosevelt may already be in hiding there with Elvis. (As a favor, Connor sent back someone to tell Roosevelt about global warming, so he started the conservation movement.)

--Theodore Roosevelt was the first American to recieve the Nobel Peace prize, for peace negotiations in the Russo-Japanese War; it's pretty obvious why. Russia was so scared they gave up Port Arthur.

--Roosevelt signed in Yellowstone National Park so he would have a vaction spot when he moved to Santa Fe; the secret is that Roosevelt, in order to get the peace prize, placed his purified pent-up rage into the earth there, instantly creating Old Faithful and the other geothermal features. If he ever gets truly angry, the Yellowstone Supervolcano will destroy most of the country (and part of Canada).

--One of Theodore Roosevelt's sons is named Kermit. You do the math.

--Theodore Roosevelt once delivered a 90-minute speech after being shot in the chest in an attempted assassination, declining to go to the hospital immediately.




So that is what I did for a half an hour last night with the assistance of wikipedia. I'm pretty sure I learned more in that half an hour than I did in 3 semesters of AP History with Hoefler, too.

Still waiting for some good punchlines regarding the Bull Moose Party, the Square Deal, Mount Rushmore, and/or the Panama Canal. Also, I'm pretty sure there's a set-up for a Governator joke in there somewhere (he was governor of NY), and astute ONTD-fans will note that the plot is just about as confusing as Terminator time travel because of kermitbale.

The best thing is? I was totally winging it. It's all fate... or Teddy Roosevelt REALLY IS that much of a badass. As I said, he's the new Chuck Norris (because CN is kind of a creeper now).

oh lawd is dat sum original content?!

Theofax, originally written for metaquotes

--There's a reason he said "speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far". You better hope he's not standing behind you right now; a secret-ninja-induced visit to outer space is probably not that pleasant.

--Teddy bears were invented after Roosevelt was out hunting and scared the skin off a pair of bears simply by saying "hello". The bears jumped so high they are now known as Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. In light of his upset at being recieved so, Roosevelt invented the stuffed animal to honor them and inspire cuddly feelings in all Americans, and was forever shamed by his nickname. This may, however, be a trick, considering the nature of him and his stick and all.

--The Rough Riders weren't there under Roosevelt's command; they were there to save all the innocent bystanders.

--Under Theodore Roosevelt's moustache is another Rough Riders cavalry. If he calls for them, you're probably not an innocent bystander.

--Teddy Roosevelt showed up at the end of Newsies so that Christian Bale could be free to live a full life and save humanity as Batman and John Connor. Someday they will both retire to Santa Fe; it is debatable that Roosevelt may already be in hiding there with Elvis. (As a favor, Connor sent back someone to tell Roosevelt about global warming, so he started the conservation movement.)

--Theodore Roosevelt was the first American to recieve the Nobel Peace prize, for peace negotiations in the Russo-Japanese War; it's pretty obvious why. Russia was so scared they gave up Port Arthur.

--Roosevelt signed in Yellowstone National Park so he would have a vaction spot when he moved to Santa Fe; the secret is that Roosevelt, in order to get the peace prize, placed his purified pent-up rage into the earth there, instantly creating Old Faithful and the other geothermal features. If he ever gets truly angry, the Yellowstone Supervolcano will destroy most of the country (and part of Canada).

--One of Theodore Roosevelt's sons is named Kermit. You do the math.

--Theodore Roosevelt once delivered a 90-minute speech after being shot in the chest in an attempted assassination, declining to go to the hospital immediately.




So that is what I did for a half an hour last night with the assistance of wikipedia. I'm pretty sure I learned more in that half an hour than I did in 3 semesters of AP History with Hoefler, too.

Still waiting for some good punchlines regarding the Bull Moose Party, the Square Deal, Mount Rushmore, and/or the Panama Canal. Also, I'm pretty sure there's a set-up for a Governator joke in there somewhere (he was governor of NY), and astute ONTD-fans will note that the plot is just about as confusing as Terminator time travel because of kermitbale.

The best thing is? I was totally winging it. It's all fate... or Teddy Roosevelt REALLY IS that much of a badass. As I said, he's the new Chuck Norris (because CN is kind of a creeper now).