mercat: (Default)
Theofax, originally written for [livejournal.com profile] metaquotes

--There's a reason he said "speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far". You better hope he's not standing behind you right now; a secret-ninja-induced visit to outer space is probably not that pleasant.

--Teddy bears were invented after Roosevelt was out hunting and scared the skin off a pair of bears simply by saying "hello". The bears jumped so high they are now known as Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. In light of his upset at being recieved so, Roosevelt invented the stuffed animal to honor them and inspire cuddly feelings in all Americans, and was forever shamed by his nickname. This may, however, be a trick, considering the nature of him and his stick and all.

--The Rough Riders weren't there under Roosevelt's command; they were there to save all the innocent bystanders.

--Under Theodore Roosevelt's moustache is another Rough Riders cavalry. If he calls for them, you're probably not an innocent bystander.

--Teddy Roosevelt showed up at the end of Newsies so that Christian Bale could be free to live a full life and save humanity as Batman and John Connor. Someday they will both retire to Santa Fe; it is debatable that Roosevelt may already be in hiding there with Elvis. (As a favor, Connor sent back someone to tell Roosevelt about global warming, so he started the conservation movement.)

--Theodore Roosevelt was the first American to recieve the Nobel Peace prize, for peace negotiations in the Russo-Japanese War; it's pretty obvious why. Russia was so scared they gave up Port Arthur.

--Roosevelt signed in Yellowstone National Park so he would have a vaction spot when he moved to Santa Fe; the secret is that Roosevelt, in order to get the peace prize, placed his purified pent-up rage into the earth there, instantly creating Old Faithful and the other geothermal features. If he ever gets truly angry, the Yellowstone Supervolcano will destroy most of the country (and part of Canada).

--One of Theodore Roosevelt's sons is named Kermit. You do the math.

--Theodore Roosevelt once delivered a 90-minute speech after being shot in the chest in an attempted assassination, declining to go to the hospital immediately.




So that is what I did for a half an hour last night with the assistance of wikipedia. I'm pretty sure I learned more in that half an hour than I did in 3 semesters of AP History with Hoefler, too.

Still waiting for some good punchlines regarding the Bull Moose Party, the Square Deal, Mount Rushmore, and/or the Panama Canal. Also, I'm pretty sure there's a set-up for a Governator joke in there somewhere (he was governor of NY), and astute ONTD-fans will note that the plot is just about as confusing as Terminator time travel because of kermitbale.

The best thing is? I was totally winging it. It's all fate... or Teddy Roosevelt REALLY IS that much of a badass. As I said, he's the new Chuck Norris (because CN is kind of a creeper now).
mercat: (Default)
So... besides being crazy, Chuck Norris' 69th birthday was a few days ago. Maybe he's getting senile? That's unfortunate. Or at least rather than senile, he's subject to that issue where older people actually lose the ability to judge what is appropriate to say/do... Which is why older people get grumpy, say inappropriate things, and I'm guessing, to some degree, get senile. As hilarious as I find Chuck Norris jokes to be (it's the type of humor, to be sure; for each joke to top the last one in cleverness when they are extremes in themselves), they kind of went downhill when Norris sued the guy and then Walmart started selling Chuck Norris themed folders and notebooks. That's rather jumping the shark, driven into the ground with him Turning Up Crazy for a day, so hopefully they will resurface in some way.

Speaking of getting old (tangentially), my sleep schedule has been messed up because of my Denver schedule as well as losing an hour, but I'm suspecting that my body may operate better on that odd schedule that turned up in an xkcd comic, the one where you have six 28 hour days a week rather than seven 24 hour ones, and you end up with more functional time yet "a full night's sleep" each "night". And I was thinking that I can't do that in college because of how classes are scheduled, and I can't do it when I graduate if i get a job working for a place like Disney or somewhere where I do not own my own business, so I would have to wait until I retire. Further proof that I will be a Crazy Cat Lady when I'm older. (I read Lifehacker too much.) I think some of this concern comes out of my concern for Grandma... She's seemed kind of depressed lately, because she feels like she has to do all this stuff for gramps and whines about it and him being slow when really, she makes things harder than they need to be. I keep trying to think up projects that she and others would take interest in, like sorting her antiques and cataloging them (I'm kind of obsessed with Flickr cataloging) or starting a blog to talk about her life. Because a while back my mom did a recording with Nana asking all sorts of things about her life, but I wish there were more, you know? All the stupid little shit she remembers from when she was growing up, maybe... Or like washing her hair with eggs before there was shampoo. I miss Nana so much.

But gma? Yeah, last week when I went out to dinner with her she actually, I'm pretty sure legitimately rather than jokingly, said I was the favorite grandchild. This is so fucking frustrating. One because I actually get preferential treatment to an extent which is uncool as hell, and it annoys Laura and Max and Kyle just as much as it annoys me. And I can't tell if Grandma's "appropriate filter" is just gone and she's serious, or if she's just bad at joking tone sometimes. But more than anything else, she's already so stressed and depressed (that's her personality... rather flighty sort of naiivete, kind of reminiscent of Liz, in less of an acts-like-a-blonde kind of way) that I have to edit myself not to break her heart (she's dramatic about being upset, which is why I'm the favorite I guess; Max and Kyle stopped going to church and boy scouts [which was not really their choice, to be fair] and Laura didn't do band or girl scouts, and the fact that gma suspects "that [Laura] likes the taste of beer" is hilarious), and that is extremely frustrating. Like I don't think mom and dad would get angry if I just up and told them I'm agnostic. But grandma? She would die. =/

So my next little project is to make a little case (or buy one) for my flash drives, presumably something I can also put my screen cleaner in because I polish this thing obsessively. I love my little netbook.

And speaking of gadgets, I've read some stuff about the Kindle 2 that came out recently, and I got into a discussion about it being like the Hitchhiker's Guide because it now has Wikipedia access. Which led to a discussion about making and selling covers for them on Etsy that say "DON'T PANIC". So today I was thinking, ooh, well, I don't have a Kindle and I don't plan on getting one any time soon (even though the gadget geek in me loves the concept of e-ink), but people have iPhones and other web phones. And I have a new netbook that isn't much larger than a Kindle. And I do need to find a cover for it, which is hard to do, and black is probably most likely. And that way I don't have to make my vinyl sticker cover plans into a DON'T PANIC sticker but rather keep my tikis, AND I get to protect the netty. Netty? I can't really refer to it as a lappy... Maybe I'll just stick with netbook. I need a good term, though.

ANYWAY, I really do want to make DON'T PANIC device covers. But I feel like I would get sued or something. :C Plus I don't even own an iPhone or Kindle to measure, and I feel like just altering preexisting covers is a cop-out... This requires research. Input?

Did I mention my netbook is nearly silent, despite having an actual hard drive? I love this like a loving thing.

more...

Jul. 6th, 2008 08:20 pm
mercat: (Default)
Because like I really would be doing something productive today, right?

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked this list so hard it lj-cut itself )

There's also one about the only perfect football team ever, but I don't remember enough about the joke nor about football. Oh well. 1970-something Miami Dolphins or someother? Meh.
mercat: (Default)
I actually am working on writing a legitimate entry, but I wanted to get this down. I do not personally have any attachment to Chuck Norris, but I find the whole humor of Chuck Norris jokes to be absolutely fantastic. I just came across this one and I decided I need to keep track of (so I actually remember) my favorites. Like the Google one.

Feel free to leave a comment with your favorite(s)...
mercat: (Default)
1) Go to www.google.com
2) Enter "find Chuck Norris"
3) Click "I'm feeling lucky."

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