Well... fuck.

[mercat]

So, first day back in my car, successfully went out shopping and bought some beautiful things such as stripey reusable drink straws in my favorite colors. And delicious chocolate with caramel and Hawaiian sea salt (om nom nom). And then I went up to Urbana to hang out with peeps and see Avengers...

...and got a speeding ticket.

Idk. I'm torn between being pissed at myself and just being over it. I mean, I deserved it, I was not paying attention and I was speeding. But I'm simultaneously sort of happy that I didn't start freaking out and crying, because I do not deal with social pressure well. But also... wtf? It's kind of assholish to be like "I'm proud I gave less of a fuck than I should". But I also don't want to hate myself. Not that I don't. I just hate guilt, which I don't know if it's my own empathy or the fact that I was raised Catholic, which I may never know. But I hate the fact that I am way too self-conscious. Second-hand-embarassment ruins so many social situations for me.

On the other hand, Avengers was PRETTY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL and Joss Whedon writes a goddamn beautiful piece of cinema. Nice, tight, snappy script. Characters with depth. Handled a multitude of characters fantastically well, without too much weakness to any. Although I hope Cobie Smulders' character gets some more attention in (a) sequel(s), as she seemed kind of like a "uh crap we have a lot of dudes in here let's get some chicks for balance". Granted, I would like to thank Whedon for actually being able to recognize that in the first place, which is kind of sad that I have to say that.

ALSO I fucking love Tony Stark. He + Banner geeking out was THE BEST THING EVER, and his dialogues with Steve were be-god-damn-utiful. Mark Ruffalo as Banner was surprisingly great, because I really liked Norton in the earlier film. But, I mean, does anyone hate Mark Ruffalo? Not that I'm aware of. Black Widow and Hawkeye were beautiful and I am SO EXCITED that she's getting an origin film! :D Loki, despite Tom-Hiddleston-with-black-hair, and Thor were aawwweeeessssoooommmeee. (It totally blew my mind when someone pointed out that Chris Hemsworth was Kirk's dad in the new Star Trek, which is adorable and honestly I think he looks much better without the Thor-locks-and-facial-hair.) (Then again Avengers is pretty hard to complain about, I mean two tech dudes and at least three other guys running around being muscly and badass, yeah.)

SOOOOOO I spent the ride home trying to channel my inner Tony Stark and not give a fuck about the fact that I got a ticket. I deserved it, I can pay it, and hopefully it doesn't affect the insurance too badly. Luckily my parents weren't too upset, which I suppose would have been the really worst part. (Also-- glad Whedon kept some of the jokes going from Iron Man 2 and such. Yay continuity!)

So, all in all, hopefully I can keep working on getting over social anxiety bullshit and get to work on summer projects.

Lots to do.

Comments

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

I got SO angry with myself when I got popped for speeding, I felt sick. Your way is much better. It's water under the bridge.

I loved The Avengers too. :)

[mercat.livejournal.com]

Considering I still manage to beat myself up about things that weren't my fault that happened when I was about seven, I think I'm doing okay :D I just hate situations like that soooo much, because you already know *rationally* that it was a bad thing and you feel bad that way, but then your emotions just have to get on board too and make you feel physically sick to some degree! Yech. :(

On the other hand, I'm about to go see Avengers again with another group of friends that haven't seen it... hooray! :D (And this time, I won't have to step out and miss 5 minutes because it's longer-than-I-expected-and-I-need-an-emergency-bathroom-break!)

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

I wanna see The Avengers again, so good on you.

(I also fucked upwith a bathroom break, so I have to time it differently this time. :)


Oh! Tony.