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I don't know if I mentioned it, but I really don't have time this week to update or anything. Um, I kind of have to make an exception. In comparison to everyone else's problems this week (of which I've heard many, and I'm talking friends around campus because haha like I've had time to read blogs) today qualifies as the worst day ever. And somehow I'm chugging through because I know if I don't, it will only get worse, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Um, but. It kind of gets worse. See, I am doing Hopewalk. That has consumed my life because yes Sarah is awesome and everything but she hasn't been real on top of stuff on her end so far, but at the same time she's getting stuck with all the work this weekend so I don't really feel like there's much room for me to complain.
So anyway. I had three tests last week and I have one on Thursday still and plus my regular homework load, plus an extra lab (I have to redo the first for some points I lost a lot of doing things wrong), plus the lab took me an impossibly long time to do the calculations which were wrong but hold on this is part of the story.
So I didn't even get to the lab until 11 last night. I worked on it until 12:30 when my brain stops comprehending numbers and I decide I'll get up at 5; that gives me an hour to finish that lab and an hour for the second and 15 minutes to do today's prelab. Well I spent the whole time working on the first lab which was still incomplete, and definitely spent a good chunk of time stressed and crying, but luckily Dr. Crosson understood about the run and I got an extension until tomorrow (my deadline, not hers).
Meanwhile I have a list of Hopewalk things 50 miles long. Switch cars with mom, copy forms, tables, pick up supplies from Kay (in Troy), make banners, email everyone about everything. I switched cars, then I had to meet with Dr. Crosson about what I was doing wrong, and then I had to come back and make a banner and do my art homework. So six o'clock rolls around, I have to go visit Kay to get the tables and water jugs, mom calls. My cousins' (I have only two first cousins, my dad's brothers twins) grandpa fell out of a tree and injured his head and is in urgent care.
Wow, yeah? Not good. He's so healthy and walks every day and head injuries are not good. But we can't tell Max in Colorado because he has a final tomorrow (his school does like month-long super-intense classes and rotates), and can't tell Kyle because he's in Argentina.
So I am stressing about getting the stuff back to campus in time to change into dressy clothes and make it to KU in time for Greek 101, which actually turnedout to be an awesome speaker but still sucked up two of my hours I could have been making the banners I didn't get to or the lab/homework I'm behind on.
Uh, so, I get back home afterwards and I'm trying to figure out all the Hopewalk stuff everyone has to do. Go through emails, my checklist, what do I need what are we doing where is everything. Check my phone to call Sarah. Three messages.
Mr. McGarvey died.
Um... yeah, wow. He was just so... full of energy all the time. And I think part of it is not that I knew him particularly well (I mean, I didn't) or that his accident is rather tragic or that I've spent so much time this past year trying to determine what I believe, and reconfirming at the very least I still have a lot of issue with the reality of "heaven" (as an idea I like it, though). That's not my problem. I don't know what the problem is, I just cannot accept death well, of anything. Maybe because I never had anyone close to me die until I was eleven or so and Fuzzy died. I mean Nana and Tippy didn't die until four years ago; that's a long time to go without someone close to you dying. (I mean, people in my family did, but locally the family is very small.) And I just... I dunno. Maybe because I'm so emotional. But it's just all a feeling of denial or something for me. They can't be dead, why don't I remember more about them, what about this and that everything, and so often I will have a dream or a thought or a memory of them where they are so alive and I am just so haunted by it, I can't get over it. I still bawl about Nana, and Fuzzy and Tippy and forgodssakes even Papa sometimes though I never met him. And Jacob, damn. He died too young.
I dunno, it's an area where I feel completely lost, and all I can do is miss them, a lot.
Hopefully, Max can come back and Kyle can too, and the funeral will be next week. I definitely need this PoD weekend now (yet another thing on my stress-source-until-Friday list; I need to pack and do laundry and go shopping), definitely definitely definitely.
Yet somehow I just push it all aside because I don't want to use that excuse; I need to stay on top of things and clear things out of my to-do list. I don't know. I can't guess if I'll be upset tomorrow, I'm probably too busy with my to-do's rught now. I'm just waiting until someone makes a comment during band... I think that's the time I'll really just sort of collapse.
This day has been ridiculous. I can't say worst day ever because somehow I am coping with it all. But it feels ludicrous. I already got an extension because of how busy I am, and if I absolutely needed to I could actually go in tomorrow and say "I had a death in the family, I need a further extension" and it's the truth. And somehow... that ridiculousness... feels the weirdest to me.
I was really hoping this entry was going to be about the speaker from tonight, which, by the way, it's still tonight of the 23rd for me because I haven't gone to bed yet. Dear lord, I nearly nodded off in art today, who knows how awful it will be tomorrow. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a month and a half, and I doubt a good one is forthcoming.
Um, but. It kind of gets worse. See, I am doing Hopewalk. That has consumed my life because yes Sarah is awesome and everything but she hasn't been real on top of stuff on her end so far, but at the same time she's getting stuck with all the work this weekend so I don't really feel like there's much room for me to complain.
So anyway. I had three tests last week and I have one on Thursday still and plus my regular homework load, plus an extra lab (I have to redo the first for some points I lost a lot of doing things wrong), plus the lab took me an impossibly long time to do the calculations which were wrong but hold on this is part of the story.
So I didn't even get to the lab until 11 last night. I worked on it until 12:30 when my brain stops comprehending numbers and I decide I'll get up at 5; that gives me an hour to finish that lab and an hour for the second and 15 minutes to do today's prelab. Well I spent the whole time working on the first lab which was still incomplete, and definitely spent a good chunk of time stressed and crying, but luckily Dr. Crosson understood about the run and I got an extension until tomorrow (my deadline, not hers).
Meanwhile I have a list of Hopewalk things 50 miles long. Switch cars with mom, copy forms, tables, pick up supplies from Kay (in Troy), make banners, email everyone about everything. I switched cars, then I had to meet with Dr. Crosson about what I was doing wrong, and then I had to come back and make a banner and do my art homework. So six o'clock rolls around, I have to go visit Kay to get the tables and water jugs, mom calls. My cousins' (I have only two first cousins, my dad's brothers twins) grandpa fell out of a tree and injured his head and is in urgent care.
Wow, yeah? Not good. He's so healthy and walks every day and head injuries are not good. But we can't tell Max in Colorado because he has a final tomorrow (his school does like month-long super-intense classes and rotates), and can't tell Kyle because he's in Argentina.
So I am stressing about getting the stuff back to campus in time to change into dressy clothes and make it to KU in time for Greek 101, which actually turnedout to be an awesome speaker but still sucked up two of my hours I could have been making the banners I didn't get to or the lab/homework I'm behind on.
Uh, so, I get back home afterwards and I'm trying to figure out all the Hopewalk stuff everyone has to do. Go through emails, my checklist, what do I need what are we doing where is everything. Check my phone to call Sarah. Three messages.
Mr. McGarvey died.
Um... yeah, wow. He was just so... full of energy all the time. And I think part of it is not that I knew him particularly well (I mean, I didn't) or that his accident is rather tragic or that I've spent so much time this past year trying to determine what I believe, and reconfirming at the very least I still have a lot of issue with the reality of "heaven" (as an idea I like it, though). That's not my problem. I don't know what the problem is, I just cannot accept death well, of anything. Maybe because I never had anyone close to me die until I was eleven or so and Fuzzy died. I mean Nana and Tippy didn't die until four years ago; that's a long time to go without someone close to you dying. (I mean, people in my family did, but locally the family is very small.) And I just... I dunno. Maybe because I'm so emotional. But it's just all a feeling of denial or something for me. They can't be dead, why don't I remember more about them, what about this and that everything, and so often I will have a dream or a thought or a memory of them where they are so alive and I am just so haunted by it, I can't get over it. I still bawl about Nana, and Fuzzy and Tippy and forgodssakes even Papa sometimes though I never met him. And Jacob, damn. He died too young.
I dunno, it's an area where I feel completely lost, and all I can do is miss them, a lot.
Hopefully, Max can come back and Kyle can too, and the funeral will be next week. I definitely need this PoD weekend now (yet another thing on my stress-source-until-Friday list; I need to pack and do laundry and go shopping), definitely definitely definitely.
Yet somehow I just push it all aside because I don't want to use that excuse; I need to stay on top of things and clear things out of my to-do list. I don't know. I can't guess if I'll be upset tomorrow, I'm probably too busy with my to-do's rught now. I'm just waiting until someone makes a comment during band... I think that's the time I'll really just sort of collapse.
This day has been ridiculous. I can't say worst day ever because somehow I am coping with it all. But it feels ludicrous. I already got an extension because of how busy I am, and if I absolutely needed to I could actually go in tomorrow and say "I had a death in the family, I need a further extension" and it's the truth. And somehow... that ridiculousness... feels the weirdest to me.
I was really hoping this entry was going to be about the speaker from tonight, which, by the way, it's still tonight of the 23rd for me because I haven't gone to bed yet. Dear lord, I nearly nodded off in art today, who knows how awful it will be tomorrow. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a month and a half, and I doubt a good one is forthcoming.
