I seem to have somehow done my amazing "crusing good, tank horribly" rollercoaster shit in the past 48-ish hours. Yesterday I just didn't care about anything. Not in a bad way, but in a "I feel like I'm letting go of things and maybe taking some steps forward" way. And today I'm just frustrated. I found out yesterday, after paying my rent and my credit card bill, that I am functionally broke. Whatever I had saved from working the past six-ish years is gone, so I basically have no wiggle room.

And no time to work. But we'll come back to that.

Thankfully, my parents are paying for rent and food... However, they failed to account for the fact that food is HELLA EXPENSIVE here in Hawaii where they import literally almost everything.

I'm not shitting you, even pineapples.

In Hawaii.

Where there is the Dole Plantation.

ON THIS VERY ISLAND.

Anyway, before I left my mom had mentioned something about "well we'll see how it goes and maybe readjust after a little bit" but every time I bring it up she gets super judgmental, like I'm spending it on all on alcohol and fast food.

I can assure you, that is not the case. I haven't bought a single drink, the only eating out I've had is a couple days' lunch from the school center, and I learned yesterday after reevaluating my budget that I basically can't eat out at all! Or, you know, DO ANYTHING.

Need new shoes? Nope. Go see a movie? Nope.

For once, I don't need to buy books, because my mom keeps shipping me mine from home. Hopefully she doesn't send me too many more, I already have an entire shelf-full, and considering I'm functionally living out of two suitcases that's a bit much. The ironic part of this? I still have a Barnes and Noble gift card from Christmas.

Luckily I don't have to be spending money on a car, but at the same time, not having money on top of not having a car just exacerbates my problem of feeling trapped here. Not on the island, but by my situation.

I need a new bike seat. "Need" because the one that came with the bike is SO SHITTILY DESIGNED. It curves a ton, which is nice if you're dicking around the block like a five-year old, but god forbid you need to commute with a backpack on your back! I have the nose turned down a SHIT TON already, and the fact that the back of the seat is curved up even more pushes you forward into the dipped center-- why would you design that on a bike seat-- so now you are not sitting on your butt bones but more on your crotch area and just FUCK YOU, SEAT DESIGNERS.

But I didn't go to the bike store, you know why? Because it is five miles away, on the other side of Honolulu, and even though it's only five miles it is through the city which is just terrible on bike. It makes me feel like I'm driving through Chicago. (They really need better bike roads here.) And I don't have the money to spend on what I would like to spend it on, which is 1) a new bike seat, 2) a second water bottle cage and bottle, and 3) a Longboard Lager jersey which is DEFS not happening because they are $75. Oh and also 4) a waterproof stem mount bag so I can stick my phone in there and use it as an odometer. I'd kinda like to buy a pair of cleats and some clips for my pedals, but right now that is a far-off dream. And I didn't feel like it was worth riding a half hour through traffic on rides I don't know with terrible drivers to the nearly-industrial part of town so I can sit in a shop for an hour while they give me a check-up on my bike and I feel guilty for buying things I need or want.

Anyway. So not going anywhere just exacerbates my feeling trapped, but I don't have the money to go see anything and it's kinda hard to go anywhere around here without a car. And I don't exactly have any people to just hop on the bus with and go to Chinatown or anything, because last time we tried that... OH THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE CRAPPED OUT ON ME. (Okay, not technically the last time, last time only half the people crapped out on us. But statistically that is 75% failure rate.)

And on top of that! The whole time I was at home I was talking about working at the zoo (trying to get in contact with someone there, it is RIGHT DOWN THE HILL IT WOULD BE PERFECT) and such, and mom was saying "oh, you probably won't have time for a job, most grad students are expected to be working on classes like a full time job". Now here we are, I could dip into my savings but I'm trying not to because I need that to pay for school, I'm eating whatever's on sale and probably not getting enough fruits and veggies, and my mom asks me why I'm not working. AUGH. Maybe because I spend more time in the studio in the week than I likely ever spent on homework for a single engineering class for a year?! And I am exaggerating very little. In the past three weeks I spent two entire weekends in the studio.

You know what we've also found out more of this week? Using the plotter is a $5 print job per page. Using the laser cutter is $2+ $1 per minute. So on top of the fact that the school doesn't have any student software licenses, we have to buy all our own modeling materials, AND PAY FOR ALL THE PRINTERS AND SHOP TOOLS PER USE. I understand you don't want kids in there abusing the 3D printer or hogging the laser cutter. BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT AM I PAYING YOU $14000+ A SEMESTER FOR IF I AM ALSO BUYING ALL MY OWN MEDIA?!

Speaking of which? I have to go to the bookstore tomorrow, and the craft store over the weekend, for guess what-- you guessed it-- MORE SUPPLIES! Meanwhile my checking account reads zero.

I think the part that's killing me the most that is on top of everything else, I would just like to go on a bike ride to train for TOSRV one weekend day, or ride down to the beach and swim and sit there for a few hours. Hasn't happened yet. Don't know how I'm going to train for TOSRV this way, all I can do right now is force myself to work as hard as I can to get up the hills on the way home.

Which, today, on the longest and steepest hill, I accidentally pulled out in front of a full-length fire truck thinking it was The Bus which would turn on the route rather than go up the hill. NOPE! So that was a little terrifying having them barrelling down on me while I tried to ride as quickly as I could...

So. My goals currently. See if I can find a part-time job that I can actually travel to. This is difficult because I don't really trust riding my bike or the bus at night, and I have to be working in the studio so many hours a day. Find a cheaper grocery store? I would love to find an Aldi-equivalent. I can't seem to find any coupons for any of the things I buy, and even though I'm a "club member" and I'm supposed to be saving, I really don't see much benefit currently. And I am trying, beyond all belief, to not just go to Walmart. One, it's downtown anyway so travel would be a hassle, but two, it's Walmart. Lastly, scholarships. Gotta find some. Found out today that architecture ones are unlikely considering that, apparently, white girls are the largest percentage of architecture students. But come on, there has to be an engineering/design one out there somewhere! Female engineers are one of the lower statistical groups! FUUUCCKKK

On the plus side of things, I shot off an email to the guy in the themed design group I'm in who sends out all the newsletters and things, asking him if there was anyone (around the offices) who could help me look for internships. Right away he asked what I did, and then I didn't hear back from him for a week. I asked if he had any ideas of people to contact, thinking there might be someone who was a membership person who could point me in the right direction. Turns out he sent out emails to different people and is trying to find someone who might take an intern/co-op. And then TWO I accidentally realized today he's like one of the top group member-people, and I'm a little embarrassed. I'm also a little uneasy because it's more out of my control-- I don't ask people about internships so I don't get any of the no's along with any possible leads, so I have no idea where the situation stands. I didn't know he was going to be doing the asking for me, so I should have told him more than just "engineering and architecture", but I figured he was busy and I should keep it as short as possible and that I could set up more of a sales pitch later on down the line when I emailed companies-- so hopefully I don't end up with a strictly-ride-engineering firm co-op, although that would still be fascinating I am sure. (Just not the kind of design I'd like to go into, I think.) ON THE OTHER HAND, when you have a big gun sending out emails to companies asking for internships and co-ops?! Hopefully that plays to my advantage, that he can catch the eye of someone really good who will give me a chance.

However now I am super-nervous because I don't know how long to wait to expect to hear back from anyone and I definitely don't want to bombard him with questions as he is very, very busy.

Regardless, I will be mailing him a thank-you note, because holy shit. I did not expect him to send out notes. I just expected, like, a "here's some potential companies that are members, shoot them a line" type email.

Ffffuuuucccckkkkkk my life right now augh

We had this amazing architect come in to studio today and give a sort-of lecture, basically a talk session about his work. UHMAZING. I'm going to try to see if he has his work posted anywhere, because I am in serious house lust.

I also burned out on design stuff today, so there you go. I'm so brain fried right now.

He made some comment about going on vacation for three days and just working on a project and it made me realize something. Between the cats, my design ideas, and the things I accidentally think about strangers' children*, I think any emotional needs on that front are pretty much met. I think a big part of it is also the fact that I am pretty much a big kid-on-the-inside who just wants to design the next Disney World. In all truthfulness.

*I don't hate children, but sometimes I look at kiddos, and, when I'm feeling particularly upset with my generation, I think things like "you're going to grow up to be a total douchebag some day". This usually is exacerbated with spoiled whiny kids, like some of the ones I used to babysit back in the day. And up until now I've been in this weird, slightly bemused state of "well, I don't really hate kids, but I don't have a particular affinity for them"

ON THE OTHER HAND, we got critiques today from our studio professor to tell us where we stand. And, um... he didn't really critique me? He told me I was on the right path in transititioning from strictly engineering to architecture, and that I just needed to keep "injecting poetry" into my work. I was fully expecting him to make some comments on my model needing a little more attention, but... I guess not? Or he figures that will work itself out. He said something similar on Monday, that I got "most improved player" for the jump that my concept drawing made to my final model. (And I admit, my final model was drastically better, but mostly because my concept drawing was nothing special.)

Also he said our next project is Indiana Jones-ish. As in, literally mentioned Indiana Jones. ~yeeeees~ *Mr. Burns*

I have "real post material" I'm actually working on, I swear. I'm a bit busy at the moment, despite my joblessness, as I am trying to register for grad school, get a museum job, hang out with peeps, do two halloween costumes, get a whole party together, et cetera.

Oh, and trying to also blog over at my "professional blog", which, I haven't updated in over a week, shame on me. Note to self: haunted houses, city museum, phantom.


The other thing: mom and I went to the movie theater tonight to see the 25th anniversary showing of Phantom. It was pretty damn decent. When Laura and Latta went and said it was LCD-screen sets, I lost a fair amount of interest because I have seen the, what, 15th? anniversary showing of Les Mis, the one with mics and chairs and the only "scene" is the battle one, BUT I am glad I went because it wasn't like that at all.

They do have "digital set paintings", as it were. I am not sure they are LCD screens because 1) there didn't seem to be much backlight coming off them, 2) they were still strong enough to be seen well with bright stage lights on them. But I did get some interesting... diffraction? patterns when the camera was focused at certain lengths.

So, the reason for the digital sets: well, one, I think ALW is getting into that kind of thing. Haven't really been following Broadway lately but (number two) in my recent knowledge I know there's been a shift towards special scenery. Like Woman In White iirc was entirely on a stage that rotated around for different scenes. I think? Never saw it. We were supposed to, senior year, and it got the kibosh so we saw Lion King instead. (In terms of props I consider the trade highly worth it, as my interest in puppetry might owe a fair amount to whoever designed those headpieces, unf.) (Yeah, I just "unf"ed over set design. This is me. Shoulda seen me earlier today, I freaked out over the facebook Indiana Jones game because I was in that kind of mood. You know, despite the fact that I've been playing it for weeks? Also, Ghostbusters showing Thursday. And I --actually, because of seeing Phantom tonight-- caught the Doctor Who episode where he does the WHO YA GONNA CALL thing, and then I found out he did some hilarious Christmas special where he also danced to the theme song, and that both made me very happy especially after I was watching Doctor Who Confidential today mostly just so I could hear David Tennant talk with his Scottish accent which by the way is glorious. So yes, set design.)

Anyway.

I absolutely adored the way the space was laid out, strategically. The front of the stage was the sort of "lower stage"-- which, I'm sure, based on the size of that massive hall was plenty big for probably a full normal-sized show-- where all the acting took place. Then there was the "digital backdrop" which rather looked like paneling on a french screen, very well done. And two staircases on the sides. Above the immediate backdrop was the entire orchestra-- not a pit orchestra, I'm like 99% sure they reorchestrated for a fuller group (possibly for the movie? no idea)-- and behind and above them was the extention of the giant screen. They also used that "above" space for all the "rafters" and "the roof", etc. (Although the scene where the Phantom shows up on the roof and the... roof of the tomb?, I think those were lower, as in, he was riiiight in front of the conductor.

What I did like about the screen was that they did a lot of animation with it, opening and closing stage curtains, the falling scenery, etc. And they didn't rely on it entirely, either, they had props like dead bodies and such. (I really hope I'm not spoiling anyone, I'm trying to keep it not too specific.)

Because the theatre there was SO INCREDIBLY VASTLY MASSIVE, the one good thing about the screen was that it made the whole production a lot more accessible to the whole audience. (Not to mention the cast that was probably four times the size of the normal cast.) When Christine goes to her mirror, they used the screen instead of the mirror prop and made her larger so more people could see her.

My favorite part of it was when she does the aria and finishes, then bows to the audience, then turns around and is "still facing the audience" and the curtain closes so she is "backstage", they had what I'm pretty sure was a live feed of the actual audience that night. And I think they had a feed for the "mirror" as well, as it seemed to be only a slight delay of what she was doing.

ON THE OTHER HAND, the technology sort of took away from it as well. In the mirror scene, they just had Christine and then up in the corner, the face of the Phantom talking to her. What? Why the fuck is that there? (And then they open it and the screen-mirror is also a door, and he's behind it, but that face wat.)

So you don't get the reveal of the two-way mirror. And also the creepy bride doll was not present, though I can't determine if that's yay or boo. Yay no creepy fetish doll! Boo no foreshadowing.

On the other hand, when the Phantom's letters are being voiced over, they also showed, on the larger "above" screen behind the orchestra, a video of the Phantom writing this letter. Which I thought was a very nice sort of movie-montage moment. So it's almost like this was a mix between the stage and movie versions, a stage play with movie effects-- which also relates to my next point.

The greatest thing I saw lacking was the stage effects. And I'm not talking about props or costumes or dancing or direction or the fact that they had an absurdly massive chorus (despite the fact that I found the voices rather drowning eachother out, and therefore also, the countermelodies). The. Fucking. Special. Stage. Effects. As in, when the musical first was made, they hired a stage magician-- an sfx-for-stage-shows-guy-- to do fabulous stuff. WHICH HE DID. And which were not in the show.

Uh, the "stairs"? No. The trapdoor-running-couple that gives yet another mysterious montage effect? No. Fireballs straight from the Phantom's staff to the ground? NO. Just stage explosions or fire bursts or something.

Oh my god and the chandelier wasn't rigged to crash, either, it just sort of shorted out with bonus fireworks effect.

(Also? I did not notice until tonight that the chandelier, which I think is supposed to look like candlelight flickering, looks like a fucking flying saucer taking off. YOU SEE THOSE CHASE LIGHTS? DAMMIT PUT A BETTER FLICKER MECHANISM IN THERE, YOU CAN AFFORD THEM. Christ.)

At any rate. So the set-dressing-and-props side of me really loves the "real" stage version better, but this was still SUPERBLY done. And I forgot how long it's been since I've listened to it, and how much I hate all the re-lyricking they've done since the original, and how much Lara and I used to know about it thanks to A.P. English and Lit/Drama/Song and the New York trip. Although I was thinking it was 1989 when it came out and then I was like herp derp nope I guess it's '86? Which, shit, that's Little Shop too and I totally misremembered. So I guess Little Mermaid was '89, and I was sitting there thinking "well maybe I'm remembering some corps did Phantom in '89, except I think Phantom did Phantom (Phantom Regiment, that is, the former), and I'm like 99% sure they did the 1812 in '89." So I checked later, and, sure enough, Vanguard did Phantom in '88 and '89. (I remembered from a video, the chair prop, and I seem to recall a lot of ridiculous '80's dance-style ballet-ish-ness.)

So back to this "we used to know so much" thing. We pretty much knew the stage recordings backwards-to-forwards and the movie as well, and I remember having enough criteria that after we saw the Broadway version (oh, ALSO, no surround-sound effects in the movie theater, I mean COME ON) we had some critiques of the Phantom and Carlotta although I think I liked Daae? I don't remember now, though.

BUT ANYWAY, the vocalists were positively fabulous. The Phantom did his own thing while still sort of being Michael-Crawford-lite (my favorite Phantom) (I hate Gerard Butler's Phantom GOTDAMN), and Christine was wonderful and I didn't want to Sarah-Brightman-stab-her (the Phaaantom oooof the Oooooperer), and Carlotta was not the tiny-whiny-diva like Minnie Driver and all the others but was a rather large lady but absolutely owned the role. I love her. She seemed much more like the character should be, an opera diva spoiled and famous. Maybe it's that whole viking-lady shtick-stereotype but DAMN, get it, gurl.

But, oh.

my.

god.

Raoul.


Allow me to explain. I detest Raoul. I have never liked him. I have never liked the actors/vocalists who I've seen/heard play him, I never liked his character, and even reading the book the only benefit I could see was that he and Christine were childhood friends and the Phantom is obviously KINDA FUCKIN' CREEPYTOWNS all up in there and Christine's character needs to not end up with his.

Whoops, spoilers, shit. Although I guess if you've made it this far, I mean, the musical's been out for 25 years so... T.S. Eliot, but I'm sorry. (And the book... ah... probably about a century now, rite? Just passed, I think? 1904?) (...ohshit 1910. So we're like right thurr.)

At any rate.

I FUCKING HATE RAOUL. Even though Patrick-Whatshisface and Emmy Rossum and pretty much the entire cast of the movie besides Gerard Butler were PERFECTLY cast, and I love that actor in everything else I've seen him in, I have hated Raoul. I think part of it was that ridiculous Fabio hair. Long, blond, and a ponytail. Or that was just the icing on the whatthefuck cake, I don't know. ANYWAY.

Holy shit the guy playing him in this version needs to just fly over the US and marry me because JESUS CHRIST HE WAS FABULOUS. Amazing voice. Actually wanted to cheer for him instead of the Phantom, actually cried for him and Christine when you're supposed to, all that fabbishness. Juxtapositionally made the Phantom feel a lot more creeper as well.

Anyway so the whole time I'm like YAY I DON'T HATE RAOUL but he looks familiar? so I looked him up when I got home and he was on a fucking episode of Doctor Who.



<3


Aaaaand it just so happened to be on the dvds the lovely astrid087 has let me borrow, and, sadly, he's in like two scenes and has maybe one line before he gets Cybermann'd. NOOOOOOOOO

So other than that I'm fan-stalking him now but--this might be the only time I've ever said this about a dude, and possibly because guys don't mess with their hair much? but-- he looks a lot better as a blond. (Also worth noting, his Raoul did not have a ponytail, thankthefuckinglord.)



Uh, and then I found out Instructables' Halloween contests, since being bought by Autodesk, now have grand prizes such as A FUCKING DESK LASER-CUTTER.

Yeah, I could do work on that, fuck.

I hope this year is my year, then. Gotta get that Medusa instructable up, and then Portal, and GET ME SOME VOTES!




So, today, in summation: David Tennant, Phantom of the Opera, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, Raoul, Doctor Who, awesome engineering.



Oh and I spent like WAY too much on all the things I have been needing to buy for Halloween, but I feel more caught up so I can work on things when they finally get here in the mail. Beakers and Erlenmeyer flasks for drinks? Check. Kinda want to heat one up on the burners and make tea in one just because. (I probably will.) Also I got some adorbs shoes, and light packs and mushroom switches and all sorts of lovelies.


So... yay!


...Oh and ALSO, Michael Crawford didn't sing! What! Sarah Brightman did, along with four guys who I'm assuming played the Phantom who I don't know (although possibly one of them was the guy we saw on Broadway who I'm thinking had played that character longer than anyone else ever) and the guy from the Twenty-Fifth show. But ohmygodMichaelCrawfordIloveyou whyyyyyyy!?


Also-also I maaaaaaay have made a really bad Dalek pun today on facebook. Totally worth it. And I will still probably call them day-leks in conversation, it just seems right...

(rabble rabble stupid americans rabble rabble England was the one who changed their accent so HA)

So much to do, so little time. But a few important things, the good news and the bad news.

The good news: Someone finally created an LED lightbulb with incandescent tone! (Color? idk. I'm no lighting engineer.) It's only been, um, AGES since we've been talking about this in my engineering classes (aka why hadn't anyone done it yet).

The bad news: Instructables was bought by Autodesk. I have nothing against Autodesk, but Instructables is a great site that is fed SIGNIFICANTLY by the hackersphere. That just seems like conflict of interest to me (Autodesk getting sued for publishing hacking how-tos, maybe forcing use of their products as a requirement for publication), not to mention I just see it going down like LJ's slow death via SixApart and the Russian company. "Of course we listen to the users, we fuck up majorly several times a year and yet we never fucking learn!"

Then again, maybe it's a viable business model, Facebook doesn't seem to be suffering much from terrible fucking ideas

My final senior capstone civil engineering design presentation was yesterday. 3 hours, 43 people, some couple-hundred (at least 250) powerpoint slides, and a seven minute video. It went, for the most part, pretty well.

However, the night before, I started freaking out. Which, to me, did not make rational sense as I had presented my slides at least six different times this semester. I knew the information. But the fact that I spent the seven hours of "sleep" in that half-awake state where you are waiting for your alarm to go off so you don't miss it, waking up every hour to freak out for 30 seconds before turning over and begging for it to subside, and giving up on trying to get any real sleep 20 minutes before my alarm was set to go off... To me, that is solid evidence that my public speaking anxiety is far beyond your average public speaking anxiety.

You take public speaking classes and they say, "oh, everybody gets nervous," and yeah, I believe it. But does everyone get uncontrollable shakes of their knees, their hands, their voice? Get dry mouth? Okay, yes, some people do. But what about shutting down into Emergency Mode when it is your turn to speak? Here is what happens (slash, happened yesterday morning). I start panicking. My stomach starts jumping, I start trying to control my breathing, even three years of drum corps can't help. I sweat and shake (and try not to bounce my knees in high heels so I'm not making noise backstage). When it is my immediate turn, I go into survival mode. My adrenaline decides it wasn't pumping high enough before and jumps off the high dive. No matter what I'm thinking about--slowing my speech, making sure I hit every bullet point of information-- my brain immediately shuts down the ability to analyze questions and focuses only on Not Presenting Any Information Wrong. If, in that instant, someone got hit by a car, I am the person you want. I jump into action and call for doctors and call 911 and try to do what I can. But public speaking? No way. And yesterday's experience was enough to let me know, as everyone in my group told me "you'll do fine!"--yes, rationally, I know that. But this is an irrational fear, and as someone once explained panic attacks to me in a similar light (or that was my experience with the one that I ever had--a zombie under your chair is NOT rational), this irrationality tells me that it is maybe not a normal level of anxiety for such a situation.

The interesting part is, I have to wonder if it's Nature or Nurture. I don't know anyone who seems to have such profusely strong reactions to public speaking as I do, but of course I could be wrong and they could just be very good at hiding it. But in fourth grade I got called out for messing up a reading in church, and in our eighth grade play the guy playing the lead antagonist decided to not memorize his lines. Which was fine and hilarious since he could ad lib pretty well, except for the part where I can't and there was a scene with just me and him and he STARED OFF INTO SPACE FOR AT LEAST A FULL MINUTE.

So, yes. There's that.

But also, I am done with engineering! (Except for passing this last tech elective and getting my paper degree.) HURRAH, on to better and brighter things.

I do have to say, my conceptual design for our convenience store was FUCKING FABULOUS and the site/civil team that decided to tell us the wrong site data so we had to rotate the building and kind of destroy the view can go fuck itself. The facade, that glass elevator, ALL MINE, BITCHES <3

Because I'm on break, dammit. You can find it here.

Day 1: Ten Things You Wanted/Want to Be When You're Older

1. Indiana Jones
2. Indiana Jones
3. Indiana Jones
4. Indiana Jones
5. Indiana Jones
6. Indiana Jones
7. Indiana Jones
8. Indiana Jones
9. Indiana Jones
10. Indiana Jones


...Wait. I don't think that counts as a real list. (It should, though.)

1. When I was younger I used to say I would be a different thing every day of the week. This involved ballet, figure skating, possibly being a fireman (can't quite remember), and definitely "historical bridge repainter". Because covered bridges get defaced a lot =/

2. An architect... sort of. I've always designed strange places in my mind, like a Radio Flyer fort (my sense of scale was horrible when I was little), a tree fort, several more tree forts, etc. And now that I'm older it's lots of strange things like zombie defenses and hidden rooms and things like that. Not to mention I legitimately am interested in sustainable design but I also really, really want to design things like theme parks or movie sets. IMAGINEERING FUCK YEAH.

3. A detective/spy. Always liked that piecing clues together, don't think I'll ever give that up.

4. A Total Badass

No, seriously, there's a reason I like action movies.

5. A pirate. Part of this involves dressing up (textural layers, lots of jewelry, awesome boots and fantastical hats), part of this involves me loving the island life. And Jimmy Buffett songs.

6. A bartender. Or possibly, a restaurant owner. How sweet would it be to own a tiki bar restaurant?! The answer: very. Because it would be like a theme park but also food and drinks. And tiki mugs. And I could serve delicious Hawaiian foods. om nom imu pork

7. A musician. I already miss playing my trumpet and we already know I miss drum corps. Who knows where this will go, I like my uke, maybe I'll get better at piano again, maybe I'll find some new instruments. I'd take up accordion. Maybe I'll just get more involved in dance, if I enjoy this tap class next semester. (Not really "musician", but still musical performance, so idgaf.)

8. The Proud Owner of a Personal Library. No seriously, I love books. I'm going to have a fucking fabulous library some day. FABULOUS.

9. A cat owner :3

10. Indiana Jones. This is a perfectly legitimate response.

HOLY CRAP, SO I'm reading my friends page, scrollscrollscroll, all of a sudden I see my toxic waste container from last year and I'm like WOAH BACKUP I DIDN'T POST THAT ANYWHERE SINCE LAST NOVEMBER did somebody try to jack my work? Wait, this is a bunch of Halloween ideas, where is this posted? scrollscrollscroll OMG I GOT POSTED ON NEATORAMA.

...I feel slightly internet-famous. Heeeeee.

Yes, I realize nobody really seems to care about the instructable, and it's just one part of a post on Neatorama, but MY DESIGN WORK got posted on a (relatively) popular site and I wasn't the one who put it there. :D

(Can I put that on my resume? j/k.)


Anyway, it's here.

:D


:D


:D

(Halloween update: Medusa costume going well, hopefully I can finish quickly tomorrow...)

It could thusly be argued that Indiana Jones fought "aliens" in Raiders of the Lost Ark. It is also a sad thing that the freaking Lego Flying Wing costs like $70. I think I have the Micro Machine version, though, SWEET ACTION.

New favorite slang: qu'est-ce que fuck?

Inherited from my dad, I am sure, I will take any opportunity to butcher French for the greater humorous good.


GOOD FUCK THIS IS HORRIFYING. It reminds me of the Splicer episode from Batman Beyond. Fffffuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk~

Hahaha "Mathsputin". Looooove iiiiit.

You know, while I appreciate the characterizations, that logo is just... incredibly detestable. I am so sick of steampunk being OMFGGEARS! (heh heh heh, I would go for a good Disney "g-ears" pun, though.) Seriously, yo, technology, in general, has to do something. And this is more the aestheticist than the engineer in me saying this. Just... bleh. Anyway, I think this means it's Old Hat if Disney did it and is no longer Scene and maybe it will lose some of its steam no pun intended. (Okay, totally intended afterthefact.) The sooner you can boot scenesters from any scene, the better. Please move to the Next Big Thing and mind the gap as you disembark, I'd like my functioning technology in relative peace, please and thankyou.

Also, Daisy is a fucking badass, check that shit out yo, she is AMELIA FUCKING EARHART-ing it up in that shit!


So I found out that Crystal Skull has a Star Trek tribute, of all things. During the rocket-sled fight scene there is a wall dubbed "numbersnumbers-GNDNnumbers" which apparently is reference to Goes Nowhere, Does Nothing. I also started reading the imdb trivia page for the movie and discovered this gem:

Harrison Ford was adamant that he got to wield Indiana's famous whip. Paramount executives wanted the weapon to be computer generated because of new film safety rules, but the actor branded the rule "ridiculous".

Dear Harrison Ford, you are my hero, thank you for being awesome. Dear George Lucas, you're still crazy as fuck, but at least this time you had Spielberg and Ford willing to tell you sometimes that you're a little bit off your rocker.

Also, this has always goddamn bothered me:

The Akator throne room designed by Guy Dyas keeps up an Indiana Jones tradition by having C-3PO and R2-D2 etched into one of the yellow titles, and E.T. into another. According to the book "The Complete Making of Indiana Jones", the characters can be found somewhere in all four Indiana Jones pictures.

They're easy to find in Raiders but WHERE THE DAMN HELL ARE THEY IN ToD and LC?

Also, I just ~can't wait~ until the original Star Wars trilogy gets re-released and re-remastered on BluRay and George Lucas decides to digitally add these Other Dimensioners to the celebration scene at the end. I mean, ET's already there, it's bound to happen at some point.

Originally Henry Jones, Sr., Short Round, Sallah and Willie Scott were to make an appearance at Indiana's wedding.

WHY DID THIS NOT HAPPEN FFFFFFFUUUUUU~

In the "making of" on the Back to the Future (1985) DVD, one of the original ideas of the time machine was as a refrigerator that Marty would climb into. Furthermore, the way Marty was to come back from 1955 was via the power of a nuclear bomb at a test site in the desert. Back to the Future was produced by Steven Spielberg. The idea was scrapped because filmmakers were afraid children would shut themselves inside of their home refrigerators to imitate the movie.

Pure. Excellence. I DON'T REGRET THAT SCENE FOR A MOMENT.


...Anyway. Speaking of GNDN, I kind of need these in my future house, somewhere. In my super-futuristic Tony-Starkish tech lab.

(Seriously though I still want his drafting table. Rich motherfucker.)


Heh heh heh, stormtroopers.

( OLD LINKSPAMS AND STUFF THAT MAKE ME A HORRIBLE BLOGGER RIGHT NOW )

So that's what I've been up to for the past MONTH or so. Also did I mention I downloaded the Force Unleashed Lightsaber App for my iPod touch? I totally did and it's PURPLE ALL THE WAY, baby. Now I need someone to duke it out with.

...You know, the sooner Nerf makes Nerf Lightsabers, THE BETTER.

[EDIT] ALSO-ALSO, anyone play Spore or Sims 3 online? I got a code from Taco Bell and I play neither.

I think I am turning into some sort of weird math nerd. (I know, and you're saying, like I wasn't already.) No, but really, more than the interest in science and math I already have, I just bought a box of cereal because it had a very well-designed box with hexagons on it. It was a very sexy design. Sexagons.

...Or something. I'll just leave that there.

Even I don't know what that is.



THESE ARE HORRIFYING. I was looking up tiki home dec stuff on Amazon (yes... this is the sort of thing I choose to do w9ith my time) and all of a sudden JUST WTF IS THAT. Seriously. Would you put those in your yard? Only if you own a Fun House, I hope. Because everyone knows those are secret terrors. Places of Weird. And not in the good Neil-Gaiman-American-Gods way. Yeah.

So I think I got dehydrated over the weekend. I didn't have an unusual amount of mountain dew last night but fuck if I DIDN'T SLEEP. I felt like I was 90% asleep for five hours and when my alarm went off I felt like I was hovering in my bed, YES, HOVERING, because I felt so shaky. Wtf? I don't even know. But I felt sick to my stomach and sore and I couldn't sleep and it was miserable. So I skipped my classes (ugh, because like I need to be more behind) and tried to sleep and IT JUST WAS NOT HAPPENING because damned if today wasn't the day of all days Ohio decided to get warm. And someone's car alarm kept going off. And the guys upstairs decided to stomp up and down the hall or something. ARRRRRRGGGHHHH. I must have gotten at least some sleep though because there was a dream with an escaped mad monkey and a banana to catch him and a magazine article about Ted Mosby. idfk. To summarize, I felt like shit and still kind of don't know why. And spring break, of course, was not so great, with gramps in the hospital and the weather sucked and I feel like I got nothing done because I went through junk papers in my room and in total cleaned only about four boxes worth of stuff. Granted, they were giant boxes and I went through every piece of paper, but I feel like I had a miserable break over all. Idk. I need a legitimate break... from something. I don't know what that means. I don't know what I want anymore, and it's driving me crazy. Egh.

Anyway. I'm ready for Easter and St. Patrick's Day because they're at least theme holidays and I can go dress up in fun ways or something.

ANYWAY, enough of that, this entry took a sudden turn for the depressing. =/

Here! Have a cat playing a theremin. There is nothing about this that isn't awesome.



I feel like I want to go into my little rant of the moment about steampunk and my renewed love for post-apoc fashion and pirates but I feel like there's enough complaining in this post. Hahaha. (tl;dr version: is it just me or is there an overwhelming amount of "HEY I PUT SOME BRASS GEARS INTO THE DESIGN, ISN'T THIS COOL NOW"? Yeah, I just... not unless you started a bike club. In which case, yes, it very much is. OR YOU'RE BUILDING A STEAMPUNK SKYNET, in which case, YES IT'S AWESOME BUT WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL.)



How would that even work, a steampunk Skynet? Skynet doesn't activate "until" 1997. Idk. Clearly, I have weird thoughts sometimes. Weird, nerdy thoughts.

Speaking of which I need some good post-apocalyptic boots for kicking ass. They're hard to find.

Well my mom's cousin is getting put in hospice. =/ I feel really bad because she's taking it really hard and her aunt already lost her husband and one sister.

Anyway, I've been really tired and apathetic lately, and I really hate it. I don't know why... I just have no drive to do anything (not even read all my blogrolls or watch TV), including practice for camp. WHICH I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE TO HAVE ALL MY MUSIC MEMORIZED FOR. Lovely...

Here's the curious thing. I think I am a natural optimist, always have been. It balances well with being rather practical and everything, but I've actually started wondering how much it is perhaps brain chemical related. Can't remember if I talked about this before. Anyway, what started me thinking about this is that when I drink, I don't get any positive/relaxed feelings out of it, I just get sleepy. And then if I drink enough, a little unbalanced (physically, you know, inner ear and vision and muscle control) and a migraine. I think you may (or may not) get more out of me if you get me jacked up on Mountain Dew. Well, for one thing, it definitely cements in my mind that drunkenness is mental, particularly for all the folks that can hold their alcohol well, but I do have to wonder if perhaps I--chemically--have a higher propensity towards being happy. Because my mom even asked me, when I told her how I've felt today, if I was depressed (...were depressed? fuck this tense), and... I don't think so. At least not how I think of depression. When I think of depression I think of feeling like life is not worth living, and although I have felt all weekend like everything is pointless, I DO NOT (and never have, and have always thought I never will) want to die. That's always how I've been. Seriously, all those mortality tales you read in high school when they talk about how no one wants to live forever? I would. You could do everything! Learn everything! It would be awesome. ANYWAY.

Also, talked about some stuff in psychology about basic personality traits (O.C.E.A.N.) and discovered I am probably some level of neurotic (meaning, easily emotional). ADDITIONALLY, the way the prof talked about it, I probably am some mild to medium form of paranoid? Which is interesting, because now I want to know what level is normal (if any... my extent of knowledge of that consists of one of Slartibartfast's lines from the new Hitchhiker's movie, so, you know, nothing much).

AAAAAAANNYYYYWAAAAAYYY.

I did nothing this weekend. I beat Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings and did no homework and watched a bunch of movies, all because I had no drive to do anything and I completely forgot there were some things I should have done months ago and keep forgetting to do. THAT IS HAPPENING NEXT WEEK because I need to clear that off my schedule for fuck's sake. =/

( game spoilers if you care )


Mmmm... yeah. Gotta get to that homework. Fuckkkkkkkk.





Oh, P.S., beware in the future there will probably be a HUGE up-and-coming self-psychology post... You know, all the things that have been brewing in my head forever and I finally need to put down or something, hahahaha. Good times.

Sometimes I really wonder if I should have been a psychologist... =/