The Daily Adventures of Mercat

Yeah, Casper actually does have an airport.

My sister and I just got back from seeing Bridesmaids. It was good, but it's not "the girls' version of the Hangover" like it was being billed. It's more of "the girl's version of I Love You, Man" which was supposed to be a chick flick for guys, but I wouldn't necessarily call it that. Anyway, it was good.

At one point they end up in Casper, Wyoming... but it was definitely not Casper. HAH.


Also-also, my sister pointed out they show Dayton in the center of the map in the Super 8 trailer... that's not Dayton, either. TOO MANY HILLS. That shit looks more like south Chillicothe.

This is what I do, I go to movies and bitch about details.

HAH.




(Also I got my grades back, I got a B- in Finite Elements?! So I guess that means I graduated successfully.)

My final senior capstone civil engineering design presentation was yesterday. 3 hours, 43 people, some couple-hundred (at least 250) powerpoint slides, and a seven minute video. It went, for the most part, pretty well.

However, the night before, I started freaking out. Which, to me, did not make rational sense as I had presented my slides at least six different times this semester. I knew the information. But the fact that I spent the seven hours of "sleep" in that half-awake state where you are waiting for your alarm to go off so you don't miss it, waking up every hour to freak out for 30 seconds before turning over and begging for it to subside, and giving up on trying to get any real sleep 20 minutes before my alarm was set to go off... To me, that is solid evidence that my public speaking anxiety is far beyond your average public speaking anxiety.

You take public speaking classes and they say, "oh, everybody gets nervous," and yeah, I believe it. But does everyone get uncontrollable shakes of their knees, their hands, their voice? Get dry mouth? Okay, yes, some people do. But what about shutting down into Emergency Mode when it is your turn to speak? Here is what happens (slash, happened yesterday morning). I start panicking. My stomach starts jumping, I start trying to control my breathing, even three years of drum corps can't help. I sweat and shake (and try not to bounce my knees in high heels so I'm not making noise backstage). When it is my immediate turn, I go into survival mode. My adrenaline decides it wasn't pumping high enough before and jumps off the high dive. No matter what I'm thinking about--slowing my speech, making sure I hit every bullet point of information-- my brain immediately shuts down the ability to analyze questions and focuses only on Not Presenting Any Information Wrong. If, in that instant, someone got hit by a car, I am the person you want. I jump into action and call for doctors and call 911 and try to do what I can. But public speaking? No way. And yesterday's experience was enough to let me know, as everyone in my group told me "you'll do fine!"--yes, rationally, I know that. But this is an irrational fear, and as someone once explained panic attacks to me in a similar light (or that was my experience with the one that I ever had--a zombie under your chair is NOT rational), this irrationality tells me that it is maybe not a normal level of anxiety for such a situation.

The interesting part is, I have to wonder if it's Nature or Nurture. I don't know anyone who seems to have such profusely strong reactions to public speaking as I do, but of course I could be wrong and they could just be very good at hiding it. But in fourth grade I got called out for messing up a reading in church, and in our eighth grade play the guy playing the lead antagonist decided to not memorize his lines. Which was fine and hilarious since he could ad lib pretty well, except for the part where I can't and there was a scene with just me and him and he STARED OFF INTO SPACE FOR AT LEAST A FULL MINUTE.

So, yes. There's that.

But also, I am done with engineering! (Except for passing this last tech elective and getting my paper degree.) HURRAH, on to better and brighter things.

I do have to say, my conceptual design for our convenience store was FUCKING FABULOUS and the site/civil team that decided to tell us the wrong site data so we had to rotate the building and kind of destroy the view can go fuck itself. The facade, that glass elevator, ALL MINE, BITCHES <3

I figured I should probably get around to updating this sometime, so, here we go. If you want a senior picture of me and I haven't already given you one, just ask, and ye shall recieve.

So Monday exams were not that bad...if I remember correctly it was calc and architecture. (Also, my final project for architecture, a house [which I designed to be set back from the beach on a hill/cliff] turned out pretty sweet, other than my coloring skills limited by 6 Crayola pencils of dubious shades and the siding which I should have put all at an angle instead of just the front sections. Anyway.) Tuesday was too easy; band and lit/drama/song. I miss all my classes already. So on Tuesday we were out at 11:03 and I got lunch at Taco Bell, met Lara and Kevin at Chipotle, met Katy, Pat, Christina, Kondwani and a few others at Panera, and then led them all to Delco Park where a good chunk of the senior class was engaged in the awesomeness that is beach volleyball. So I ate my two bean burritos and drank my Mountain Dew Baja Blast and played ultimate frisbee till we all decided we were too tired to play anymore. So I played volleyball for fun for awhile and then we played a few more serious games (yeah, right) and passed out invitations.

Oh, and Thang screamed fuck as loud as he could. ("that's our class president!" -Ryan Hines or Travis or someone)

All the seniors who had cars at Delco Park had their cars painted (thanks chicas!), mine included. I was sad when it started to come off in the rain yesterday, but it's still mostly there. Honestly, even though I burned my face at Delco Park that was the most fun I've had in a long time.

Wednesday I got up bright and early to conduct the Alma Mater in band. I did nothing all day (except intend to meet Rachel for thrifting, which fell through), and then went to St. Brigid's Eighth Grade Musical, Jack and the Beanstalk, which was awesome. Chris Sticka and Pat Moore should both be in drama next year. "I'm...Sprogg...James Sprogg!" Especially Sticka...he added so many hilarious lines to his part, he's a genius.

Thursday I slept in till 10 (!!!!) and did more of nothing and then met my mom at UD and bought a shirt, a hat, and a sweatshirt for next year. I also held an entertaining phone conversation with James Fu, which went something like this (about 2:00):

Fu: Let's go out to lunch!
Me: I just ate...
Fu: OK, dinner.
Me: I'm meeting my mom in about an hour for dinner and such.
Fu: An hour?! You can come and eat here, come on.
Me: Everything is out of the way...
Fu:...does that mean you're taking [unintelligible asian mumbling sounding something like shit]
Me: ...what...the fuck...
Fu: Does that mean you're...that you are defecating?!
Me: *facepalm* No, James, that means that they're too far away...because I live in the middle of nowhere...

And then I went to brass ensemble rehearsal (ouch, haven't played in a few days), and later to Domer's to watch DCI finals from last year with him and Chris. And we watched X-men 2 specials because he lost the movie DVD.

Today I got up bright and early to go the awards ceremony (all nice and panicked because of my sister), was 20 minutes later than usual and still got MY spot in the front row. Beeyotches. Lots of standing, mocking with Kevin and Lara, tenor sandwiches for Mr. Soucek, and some random award for me that I won when I had completely stopped paying attention. Which I got a pen and pencil set for, which are probably fairly expensive, except what the fuck do I do with expensive pens?! I use bic stics for crying out loud. And those G2 .05s. And my mechanical pencils have side-clickers and are .05 lead. Wtf. And I got a plaque instead of them being inscribed. =( (I'm only sad because an engraved watch is cooler. Oh, and the freaking Patriot plaque...tres cool.) Anyway, then silly senior awards, which were pretty dumb. I mean, they have most athletic and all that...what about nerdy?! Come on... Then graduation practice at the convention center. Mike situation and all that fixed for Lara and Rachel and I... it will definitely be interesting tomorrow what with me running around all over, huzzah.

So tomorrow the class of 2006 graduates (with newer, sparklier robes). =( I'm sad. I'm definitely a Patriot at heart. Plus I will miss everyone so much...all the daily seriousness (yeah, right) and inside jokes that will be no more (the black sheep! the band! the writes! the AP classes!)... I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without all these awesome people with me...I admire them all so much. Mr. Lakin apparently said that our class seemed like we were all best friends, and therefore, we weren't; and I think that's the truest thing ever. Even the people who make some bad decisions are still awesome people, and I can't think of anyone in my class who has had some sort of ridiculous, drama-filled fight that escalated into a school issue (involving the whole class or even a good majority of it).

So thank you all for all these years...four short ones...I will never forget them. I'm proud to be a Patriot. (And wear the tricorner, biznatch.)

P.S. Don't look at me during "On Eagles Wings" during mass tomorrow morning. I will be crying, I guarantee it. (They played it at my grandpa's and my grandma's funerals.

P.P.S. So in summary: even though we were excuse Tuesday I made it to Carroll every day this week. Damn stright I'm not leaving. You can't get rid of me! I'm a PATRIOT. (Long live the tricorners!)